‘Premature Independence’
Season 5, Episode 8 - Aired May 29, 2018
Ahead of the Second of July parade, Buster is temporarily released from prison as the family struggles to get their story straight about Lucille Austero's disappearance. Lindsay is missing in action as her campaign runs a float in the parade. Meanwhile, Gob plans a "gay conversion" magic trick with Tony Wonder (Ben Stiller).
Quote from Buster
Lucille: I can't do that right now. You'll just have to sit tight and trust me for a little while longer.
Buster: [chuckles] So it's like that again. History repeats.
Lucille: You remember that?
Buster: I remember you paying me off by letting me go to the Fourth of July parade, but I'm a man now. Paying me off isn't gonna be that easy. You'll need the warden's permission, and then you'll have to sponsor me for my furlough, and they probably won't let me on the float again, but that's just...
Lucille: Oh, God, it's still the parade, isn't it? We're still talking about...
Buster: Oh, we're talking about it!
Quote from Maeby
George Michael: So, you're not gonna believe this- What are you doing?
Maeby: I'm doing another scrub and run. My sex date is tonight, and there's no other way out of it. And honestly, if I wanted a hairless lover, I'd probably go underage rather than overage, you know?
George Michael: What's that?
Maeby: No, I mean, not that I would do it on purpose. I'm just saying if I had a gun to somebody's head.
George Michael: If you had a-
Maeby: What do you want me to do? You want me to shoot a kid? What kind of monster are you?
Quote from Maeby
Maeby: He's not gonna let her go, which means I have to. Good-bye, Annette. Good-bye to our teeth that make it look like I'm smiling so I don't have to. And you, I'll miss you most of all, neighbor's pain medication. [voice breaking] I never even got the chance... Nah, I'll just take you with me.
Quote from Maeby
Maeby: So, now that you found out your dad's sneaking around with your girlfriend, looks like you need a roommate, too, huh?
George Michael: No, that's what I came to talk to you about. He wasn't going to see Rebel in Mexico. The whole thing was just a crazy, paranoid idea.
Maeby: Who knows where we get these ideas from, right?
George Michael: Well, you. I got that from you. It's always from you.
Maeby: Oh, yeah, I was gonna say that sounded like one of mine.
Quote from Lucille
Lucille: Oh, George, I've been worried sick.
George Sr.: About Buster being stuck in-in that jail. They are making him a patsy, parading him around, frightening the masses before the Fourth of July.
Lucille: It's on the second this year. And being in the parade was his idea, like it was in 1982. We're trying to get Lindsay elected, and Buster wants everyone in the world to see him in an orange jumpsuit.
George Sr.: So he'll be out in public?
Lucille: I don't want to tell you what I had to give the warden to make that happen.
George Sr.: I don't want to hear it.
Quote from Tobias
Lucille: Meanwhile, we still don't have a Lindsay, and Sally is calling us out about it. We've got this elaborate float to help distract from the fact that there's no stair car this year, and nobody to put on it. Ugh, God.
Narrator: Fortunately, Tobias was finally calling.
Lucille: Oh, thank God, it's Tobias. [answers phone] You better have found my daughter. Sally is now in the race, and she's pointing out that no one has seen Lindsay in a week.
Tobias: Yes. I didn't want to get your hopes up, but I'm in Mexico and I have found Lindsay-
Lucille: Oh, thank God.
Tobias: -to be very stubborn. Oh, damn it, I just did exactly what I said I wouldn't do.
Quote from Tobias
Tobias: [on the phone] How about I just make it about me? "It's incredibly important to me and my life"
Lucille: Where is this going?
Tobias: "and if you do this for me, I'm sure Lucille will make me permanent member of the Bluth family." That way, you're not lying to Lindsay...
Lucille: You are. Well, that sounds like the best of our diplomatic options, but you're in Mexico, for God's sake. Please tell me you prepared a few "against her wills."
Tobias: [chuckles] Oh, my gosh. I do miss that wit, Mother.
Lucille: It's Mrs. Bluth. I wasn't joking. And you're right, we need her standing, and dressed and ready for the parade.
Tobias: On it. In the meantime, wow, what a trip! [chuckles] Murphybrown saw an armadillo, men held us up at gunpoint, and I got to dress up as an os-
Narrator: It would be five minutes before he would realize she was no longer on the phone.
Quote from Tobias
Narrator: It was the 2nd of July, and the Funkes had just finished working off their water and phone debt.
Ma Bark: I guess you earned your shower.
Tobias: Ugh. This thing does not breathe.
Ma Bark: I'll tell you who doesn't bitch like that, your son. I'll give you 500 bucks cash for this youngin' right now.
Narrator: And maybe that's when Tobias learned what it meant to be a father.
Tobias: [indistinct mumbling] [continues mumbling] My son is not for sale.
Murphybrown: Thanks, Dad.
Ma Bark: Then shower's off.
Quote from Buster
Guard: Mr. Bluth, you're not on cleaning detail.
Buster: What? Is this because I accidentally choked Ron Howard? Because they already made me pay for that.
Guard: They chopped your hand off?
Buster: No, they just downgraded me to a manual.
Quote from Tobias
Tobias: We just talked about dreams, and you said you could unicycle and juggle.
Murphybrown: Oh! That's because my uncle, he taught me that stuff, when he used to come over to cheer me up on Father's Day.
Tobias: Robbie knows how to juggle?
Murphybrown: Who's Robbie?
Tobias: [laughing] Oh. Yes, of course. You wouldn't know my brother.