Michael: I did. I threatened her at a restaurant. But, you know it's a restaurant, so...
Officer Taylor: Yep.
Michael: Certainly she's been seen since then?
Officer Taylor: Not alive. Or dead or whatever. We'd love to speak with you down at the station.
Michael: Sure. Uh, you know, l-l-I'm happy to cooperate. But I really don't know anything more than you know. I certainly didn't didn't kill her and drop her in a Back Bay. Boy, I hope that's not what happened to her.
Officer Taylor: I'm sure it isn't. [over radio] Please send Officer Davis and Little Hanna to the Back Bay.

Maeby: So you killed Kitty, huh?
Michael: No, I didn't kill Kitty. But I will go down to the station and answer those nice men's questions. You know why? Because I have no secrets to hide. Because I'm an honest man. [off-screen laughter] And apparently a fun one. Let's go see what's going on in the back room.
Maeby: Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?

Narrator: Tobias sought out a security position at the nearby mall.
Tobias: I do know stage combat if the partner is willing and a bit more petite than I. But I have a daughter to impress and I need this job.
Security Guard: Well, it's gonna be a couple of days before we can get you a gun license so you'll have to use mine.
Tobias: Wow!

Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends. Anyway, Annyong's playing soccer, but I guess I should just ignore it. Look the other way as Mom and Uncle Oscar and Annyong have the perfect little family...
George Sr.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. Oscar? My brother Oscar? Oscar's been coming around?
Prison Guard's Daughter: No touching!
George Sr.: No touching. No touching. You listen to me. You've got to take care of this Oscar situation. You get him out of there, all right? You make him wish that he'd never shown that ludicrous head of hair and that nice face of his.
Buster: I will do it, Dad.
George Sr.: Good. Put her there.
Prison Guard's Daughter: No touching!
Prison Guard: Her self-esteem is through the roof.

Barry: Okay. Until we get all the facts don't say anything that can incriminate you. Or me. Just try to keep me out of this. Lie. Both of you.
Michael: No, what are you talk- We don't lie in this family. Maeby, why don't you get a soda?
Maeby: Okay.
Michael: If I lie in front of her, it costs me 50 bucks. I do think that we should lie.

Oscar: I am blown away that you that you called me and that we're-we're together. And my camper made it all the way up here. Do you think it's safe over there? Because I only have a hanger for a lock.
Lucille: What are they gonna take, the one can of Comet you've got in there?
Oscar: Oh, your tongue is as sharp as your body is still taut.
Lucille: What are you doing? Oscar, this is a children's soccer game, not Woodstock.
Oscar: That was another era, huh? The music and the pot. Will you excuse me? I need to go to my camper for just a quick sec.

Michael: [answers phone] Hello. Oh, hey, George Michael. Uh, I'm sorry. In your pants? I'll be right there. [hangs up] Um, my son has an emergency.
Detective Fellows: You know, there's a Grover book, "I Can't Hold It In". Worked for us.

Michael: Shoplifting? What's the matter with you, Gob?
Gob: What's the matter with me? She's the shoplifter!
Lindsay: I wasn't shoplifting, you twit.
Tobias: Yes, thanks to me.
Lindsay: No. I work here. [all gasp] At least I used to. They fired me because they thought I was helping this idiot shoplift. Also, they said I wasn't a very good salesgirl.
[flashback to Lindsay talking to a woman outside a dressing room:]
Lindsay: You can't be serious? [scoffs]

Michael: [to Gob] You know, this is why I'm constantly asking you to stay away from my son.
George Michael: Yeah, well, it's not like you were there to spend any time with me, Dad. Because I'm not daughter enough for you.
Michael: George Michael, um, I'm always there for you, okay? It's just you're getting a little too manly for Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
George Michael: Dad, that's what makes it funny.

Michael: What the hell just happened?
Maeby: Relax. They got nothing on you. They're bluffing. Kitty's alive. I just saw her in the back room. They just wanted to get you scared, so you'd testify against Pop-Pop.
Michael: Unbelievable. Oh, that's great. You just told them the truth; they let us walk. I guess I owe you 50 bucks, huh?
Maeby: Yeah. I'd save your money. Kitty's got a lot of evidence, and she thinks that you tried to kill her. So you're probably going to need a better attorney.