George Michael: Tell them it's off. Go up there and tell them it's off.
Michael: That's the other thing. I mean, there is no more "up there," um, and- and- and- Look, I- I cannot call it off. But I'm the one on the line. I'm the only one who needs to lose feet over this... sleep over this.

George Michael: You know, you may not have to get involved, Dad. I mean, is this something maritime law even applies to here?
Michael: It should. He dumped her in the ocean.
George Michael: True.
Michael: Allegedly.
George Michael: Allegedly.
Michael: Obviously allegedly.

George Michael: And I wish I could give her the software to get her back, but it's it's fake.
Michael: I knew it. I knew it. She's not over me?
George Michael: No, Fakeblock. [sighs] It's fake. There is no privacy software. I made the whole thing up.
Michael: Made it up? You told me a lie because you-
George Michael: I lied to you because you seemed so proud of me, and then my lying just got me in deeper and deeper, and then you bought the company, and I had to fire you so you wouldn't get in trouble, and now the whole family is in trouble, and I have no idea how to solve it. [sighs] I'm sorry, Dad. Are you mad?
Michael: Uh, no. Uh-uh. I'm not I'm not mad. I, uh I get it. You had your reasons. Um, I- I do wish that I had not removed all of my privacy software and replaced it with Fakeblock, but on the other hand, it does explain why Pemender from Kuala Lumpur keeps signing into my LinkedIn.

Michael: Can you transfer that onto something less obsolete? I got to save my brother. I think it's time to find out if Mother can handle the truth.
John Beard: A Few Good Men. Great movie. But first, I got to wash the pile...
Michael: Sure. Take your time.

Michael: So it seems that I came home from somewhere. The point is that we're talking about you, not me.
Lucille: Well, maybe we should talk about you. You were there. You owed her money! You borrowed it, didn't you, Michael?
Michael: Yes, I did borrow money, because I care about the family, which I thought-
Lucille: Oh, stay on topic. You bounce like a beach ball.
Michael: I'm answering the question. I'm saying, soemtimes when you care about a family or a business, you do things people might not understand.
Lucille: Michael! Michael!
Michael: And... And sometimes you do bad things that you don't remember or I don't want to remember.
George Sr.: Objection.
Lucille: Michael's out of control. You're out of control.
Michael: So maybe I was out of control that night, but at least I can admit it.
Lucille: Admit what? You're talking like you killed Lucille Austero!
Michael: You're goddamn right I did!
Narrator: And that's how Michael A Few Good Men-ed himself.

Michael: Meanwhile, I grow up thinking I'm a hero, and I turn out to be a killer.
Lucille: You didn't kill anyone.
Michael: No, no. I think I did. I think they're probably on their way to come lock me up right now.
Lucille: Lottie's not going to reopen the case.
Michael: Mom, I just confessed in there.
Lucille: That you were drugged and don't fully remember.
Michael: But why did I change shirts? Why did I say I lost control?
Lucille: Michael, they've got nothing. No body. It's a mistrial. It's over. Dusty told me. Two brothers can't be charged for the same crime.
Michael: Well, I hate to say it, but you may have been getting better advice from Barry.

George Michael: I wish you guys didn't have to go so soon.
Michael: Oh, on that subject, these guys are actually gonna be staying with us. For a while. Just your aunt and her husband. Not Gob.
George Michael: Really?
Michael: Yeah. What the hell, huh? Family first. It is gonna be a little crowded, so you're gonna have to share a room with your cousin.

Starla: Here are the copies.
Michael: Hey. These are- These are very small.
Starla: When you said you wanted photocopies, I thought that you meant you wanted them on a photo printer.
Michael: Tell you what. From now on, we're gonna use just the big printer.
Starla: Okay. You're a perfectionist. Flashes of Quincy.
Narrator: Starla claimed to have had a relationship with music legend Quincy Jones.

George Michael: So, uh, you guys have a good talk?
Michael: Yeah. Great talk. That cousin of yours is a hell of a girl. Too bad you can't date her.
George Michael: No. I meant- Wait, you wouldn't have a problem with that? Nothing. [chuckles] No, I was talking about Ann. What did you think of her?
[cut to Michael and George Michael driving in the stairs]

Michael: Now, listen, Oscar. Maybe you should think about moving on, you know. This really isn't your scene, with the sweaters and the furniture. Maybe you should take a leap at freedom, like my father. Just run. [air horn blasts] Is that her rape horn?
Oscar: It's more like a starter's pistol.
Michael: Run.