Lucille Bluth Quotes Page 2 of 23
Quote from Queen B.
Narrator: And so it was Lucille who did the questioning of her new star witness, Lucille 2
Lucille: Thank you so much for coming to be my witness. You're such a large shareholder... Oh. I've made a pun.
Lucille Austero: Oh, how could I not do it for my oldest friend? Oh! Now I've gone and done a double.
Lucille: [laughs] A double. Like your pre-surgery chin.
Lucille Austero: Or your post- breakfast drink. Oh, I wish you'd come to my rehab clinic. But anything to help that Keystone Cop family of yours.
Lucille: Keystone Cops? Your references are as fresh as the wallpaper in the room of that pretend child you've had all these years. But, my friend...
Lucille Austero: You're right, I shouldn't joke. None of your family showed up, you poor thing. This is such a black mark on all of you.
Lucille: You should know about black marks. Your pillow must look like a Rorschach Test. Not that there'd be anyone to see it. So, as I was saying...
Quote from Queen B.
Lucille: If I were you, I'd put a tail on him. Get a P.I.
Michael: Where the hell am I gonna find a P.I.?
Gene Parmesan: Gene Parmesan, at your service.
[The bearded, middled-aged White man wearing a baseball cab and standing between Lucille and Michael removes "GARY" from his name tag to reveal "GENE"]
Lucille: [screams] It's Gene! He does this to me every time!
Michael: What's he doing here, Mom?
Lucille: Oh, he's working for me.
Michael: Why'd you scream then?
Lucille: I thought he was that guy. [points to a Black man]
Quote from Self-Deportation
Lucille: So, unless some angel descends on a golden chariot, we're completely over-leveraged.
Tobias: And maybe you don't want to get hurt because, as I say, hurt people... hurt people.
Lucille: Oh, that's nice. I always say, "Make people cry, make people cry." But yours includes the people who don't want to give you the satisfaction.
Quote from Rom-Traum
Lucille: Maybe he went to find Oscar, warn him about the picture.
Barry: You think he really did? Because I think the prosecution gave us this picture so that George or you would lead them to Lucille 2.
Lucille: Go find him. Track him down. Get to him before he finds Lucille 2. I will not let that woman steal everything I've taken from her.
Quote from iAmigos!
Gene Parmesan: [Italian accent] Don't get up. I just a-find-a the supplies because I'm a- Private detective. Gene Parmesan. [normal voice] How are you doing?
Lucille: [shrieks] Gene! Oh, Gene! Isn't he the best?
Narrator: Gene was far from the best.
Michael: Very impressive.
Gene Parmesan: Thank you.
Quote from iAmigos!
Narrator: Lucille was suspicious that Gob was up to some sort of power grab.
Lucille: [on the phone] Gene Parmesan? Lucille Bluth. My son is trying to get me out of my house. I think he may be up to something. [knock on door] Oh. Hold on. That's probably him.
[When Lucille opens the door, she finds a man in a giant rat suit holding balloons]
Lucille: Gene? [the man shakes his head] It's just some idiot with balloons.
Gene Parmesan: [removes head] Oh, is it?
Lucille: [shrieks] I knew it! I want you to keep an eye on my son Gob.
Quote from Pilot
Narrator: This is Michael Bluth. For 10 years, he's worked for his father's company waiting to be made a partner. And right now, he's happy. This is Michael's mother.
Lucille: Look what they've done, Michael.
Narrator: She isn't happy.
Lucille: Look what the homosexuals have done to me.
Michael: You can't just comb that out and reset it?
Narrator: Currently, she's upset that her husband's retirement party is being upstaged by a group of gay protesters.
Gay Protesters: We're here! We're queer! We want to get married on the ocean!
Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.
Lindsay: Good grief, Mother. Not all homosexuals are flamboy- Oh, my God! I have the exact same blouse.
Narrator: This is Michael's twin sister, Lindsay.
Lucille: I like it better on him.
Quote from Pilot
Narrator: Lucille was finding it difficult to go about her daily life.
Lucille: The S.E.C. is making him out to be some kind of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder.
Quote from Top Banana
Lucille: Luz, that coat cost more than your house! [to Michael] Oh, that's how we joke. She doesn't even have a house.
Quote from Top Banana
Michael: So what do you want me to do about it?
Lucille: Don't take that tone. He's my son. I want you to make him stop calling me.
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