Michael: Let me ask you a question. Where the hell have you been? Why didn't you call me?
Lindsay: Look at my life, Michael. Tobias is out of work. We're in debt. It's...
Michael: What are you doing? Are you trying to cry?
Lindsay: I'm sad. Life is hard right now. I've got the J.D.L. on my ass.
Michael: J.D.L.?
Lindsay: [whispers] Jewish Defense League.
Michael: Oh, the circumcision thing? This is why I was against HOOP. Why didn't you just mind your own business?

Lindsay: Bulldozing? What about the trees?
Michael: We're just gonna cover them up with blankets. [off Lindsay's look] I'm ripping them out.
Lindsay: Anything for a buck, right? You are so materialistic.
Michael: Don't suddenly turn this into one of your causes.
Lindsay: It's not sudden, Michael. I've always been deeply passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?
Michael: I'll never forget your wedding.
Lindsay: I care deeply for nature.
Michael: You're wearing ostrich skin boots.
Lindsay: Well, I don't care about ostriches.

Michael: Come on, face it. You do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don't even know what the auction's for tonight.
Lindsay: The wetlands.
Michael: To do what with them?
Lindsay: Dry them.
Michael: Save them.
Lindsay: From drying.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Lindsay, wanting to prove to Michael that she was a charitable person, joined a group of activists dedicated to preserving the wetlands.
Lindsay: Yeah. Hi. I'm gonna need a taxi.
[later, int he taxi:]
Lindsay: I don't know if that smell is you, the car, something you ate or something you're about to eat but my God, you're in a service business!

Narrator: Meanwhile, Lindsay was helping George Michael with his homework.
Lindsay: Oh, come on, let's do something. It's just a stupid essay.
George Michael: No, I can't. I don't want to let down Ms. Baerly. She's nice, you know. And she's interesting-
Lindsay: And pretty?
George Michael: Well, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess there's just some things you can't really say to your dad.
Lindsay: Ah. Sounds like you'd like her to be more than just your teacher.
Narrator: Lindsay believed that George Michael wanted to fix up his father so he could fill the role of his mother.
Lindsay: There's nothing wrong with that. Although, I must say I'm a little hurt that you haven't considered me.
George Michael: You're my aunt.
Lindsay: [scoffs] That doesn't matter. Aunts can fill that role. Teachers can fill that role. And, someday, you're gonna find the right woman to fill that role. But until then, I'll be right across the hall.
Narrator: Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life.
George Michael: Yikes.

Michael: Okay, guys, back to the staff meeting. Uh, Lindsay? Hello. The phones.
Lindsay: Well, you said "staff."
Michael: The zoning committee feels that we're trying to squeeze too many units onto a lot this size and we need to if we want to make a profit. So how do we fit these units on there?
Lindsay: Are these fluorescent lights bothering anybody else besides me?
Michael: That's not what I want to deal with today.
Lindsay: Well, you and I have different management styles. I believe work should be fun, and you try to crush people's spirits. What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose?

Lindsay: Yes, we did it. We're getting rid of the Ten Commandments. The granite ones in front of the courthouse. You know, all it took was the threat of a lawsuit.
Michael: You're involved with those protesters now? When did that happen?
Lindsay: Oh, who can remember.
Narrator: Lindsay's involvement began hours before when, leaving the plea hearing, she first determined the Ten Commandments didn't belong there.
[flashback:]
Lindsay: And they won't even allow me one lousy cigarette! [walks into the granite block]
Lucille: Honey, they're just heels. They can only support so much weight.
[present:]
Lindsay: I've always been very passionate about the separation of church and state.

Lindsay: [to Michael] She usually sends checks for Maeby's birthday.
Maeby: There's been cash coming in? Have you been holding out on me?
Lindsay: No. No, I've been investing it. Let's face it. I'm better with money than you are.
Maeby: Better at spending it.
Lindsay: Okay, I tell you what. I'll take you down to see Nana if you split the money with me 60/40.
Maeby: 55/55.
Lindsay: Deal.
Michael: Sounds like you guys are getting more than you think.
Lindsay: We should go now before your dad gets back. No need going halfsies with him too.

Narrator: Seeing a window of opportunity, Lucille made a startling announcement.
Lucille: Nana was on that yacht!
Michael: What?
Lucille: You killed Nana!
Lindsay: She's lying! Nana wasn't on that yacht. She's fine. She's been dead for six months.

Narrator: Lindsay, meanwhile, arrived at the salon hoping to increase her self-esteem. Unfortunately, her stylist had just been called up by his reserve unit.
Lindsay: What's happening? Where are you going?
Alex: I'm not allowed to tell. It's the war.
Lindsay: Oh, come on! These salon wars have got to stop!
Alex: The war, Lindsay. The real war.
Narrator: Lindsay was stunned, not just that she was losing her stylist but that apparently, there was a war going on.
Lindsay: Well, I'm protesting this war. You're my friend and I'm not gonna let Shauna cut my hair. I'm going to take a stand.
Narrator: And Lindsay found a solution to her self-esteem problem.