Narrator: Marky was the son of Johnny Bark, an activist that Lindsay had once helped save, and then kill, a tree.
Lindsay: Oh, my God! I remember him! I remember thinking, one day, he was just gonna fall out of a tree and break his neck. Whatever happened to him?
Marky Bark: He fell out of a tree and broke his neck.
Lindsay: Oh, God-
Marky Bark: No, I'm just kidding.
Lindsay: Oh! So how is he?
Marky Bark: Oh, he's dead. But natural causes. A bunch of deranged bees chased him out of a tree and he fell to his death.

Lindsay: He's amazing. I mean, so passionate about real issues. He's a real activist, like me.
Tobias: And she's a real actress, like me! Oh, she used to be in big movies, but then, like a lot of actors, the teeth go... But she is the perfect age to be a Hollywood actress, 42.

Narrator: Lindsay and Tobias gathered with their new friends.
Waitress: Hi, y'all! This your first time...
Narrator: ...at C. W Swappigan's, a chain that sprung up after the economic collapse.
Waitress: We are like a Salvation Army meets a soup kitchen, meets a gastro pub, meets a Marxist-or Leninist-type social structure. These are things that you can order and these are things that we will accept. As you see on the bottom, we don't have the fish, and we're not taking any more lava lamps. Uh-oh, I can see this one's got that deer-in-the-headlights look!
Lindsay: Oh, no. He just took some methadone. He thought he was driving with a cocktail tray. Speaking of that, how about mozzarella sticks for the table?
Waitress: Cocktail tray, light scratching, for mozzarella sticks.
Maitre D : Six, no sauce. [hits gavel]
Marky Bark: And maybe some sparkling water for the table.
Waitress: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We're no longer taking hotel soaps.

Lindsay: Marky, I've got to tell you, talking about these social issues, it's the first time I've felt like myself in a really long time. That's because I say what I mean, I do what I feel. No lies.
Narrator: Lindsay felt guilty because she was about to go enter a crab house/courtroom and do just that.
Marky Bark: That's why my motto is, "Live truthfully and skate through life."
Narrator: Marky felt guilty because it wasn't his motto. It was the motto of a surf and skateboard company.

Narrator: And perhaps it was to get back at her mother. Or to get out of a relationship that had been over for a long time, but that's when Lindsay hopped off to pursue a life she felt was her destiny. And the new lovers discovered each other. The beautiful female body, the horrible male.

Lindsay: You know, my shaman told me that I should stop caring about appearances. My whole life, that's all anyone has ever praised. All my mom ever cared about. Because I'm really pretty. I just thought I'd tell you that so the story made sense.
Marky Bark: I don't care.
Lindsay: But I guess it's kind of karma that I ended up with someone who wanted to make love to me no matter what I look like.
Marky Bark: Also wanted to make sure you weren't a dude. I can tell with voices usually, but some guys, they'll fool you if that's what they want to do. Hey... Are you smiling at me?

Narrator: Lindsay decided it was only fair to let her husband know their new start had reached a new end.
Lindsay: [on the phone] I left. I guess you noticed. Look, I'm sorry. I really do care about you, Tobias, but we were trying to save something that just couldn't be saved. And I have to follow my shaman's advice. I have to be true to myself for once. And Marky, he sees me for who I really am. He respects me and-
Marky Bark: Come on, lady! You want to wrap this up? My lady needs to call her loser ex.
Lindsay: Marky, it's me. It's Lindsay.
Marky Bark: Oh! I thought you were taking a dump. I must have scared the [bleep] off that lady in the bathroom when I threw the door open and told her I loved her.
Lindsay: [sighs] He loves me?
Marky Bark: [o.s.] Sorry. False alarm. I don't love you. I got to go.
Lindsay: Can you delete this so I can leave a message for Maeby?

Narrator: And the next day, Lindsay awoke to discover the destiny foretold to her in India in drab colors before her.
Joan Bark: Get away from her. Don't mess with her! She's none of your business.
Lindsay: Thank you.
Joan Bark: I said get away from her, you slut! You're scaring the bird.
Marky Bark: No, no, Mom. Mom, she's with us. She lives with us now. And, Mom, she tells me she's pretty.
Lindsay: I have the worst [bleep] shaman.