Michael: Can we let another family bring down the Ten Commandments? This family's already done more than its share.
Gob: Oh, now you love the Ten Commandments. And yet, you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it beith me, thy sweet Lord."
Michael: I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.

Michael: Please, do you even wanna be in charge?
Gob: No! But I'd like to be asked. This is just like when we were kids, and you were the only one he let work in the banana stand.
Michael: Well, I got news for you. Dad still doesn't trust me to this day. He treats me like a low-level employee.
Gob: Better than being treated like the goofball the joker, the magician. [gestures with hands]
Michael: I thought you were gonna do, like, a trick there. A fireball or something.
Gob: I was. It didn't go off. These things never go off when you want them to. My least consistent trick.

Gob: I have some conditions. Terms.
Michael: Boy.
Gob: One condition and one term.
Michael: All right. Let's have the condition first.
Gob: Free banana whenever I want.
Michael: Single dip.
Gob: Double dip, but I'll take one stick.
Michael: All right. What else?
Gob: Creative control spin-off rights and theme park approval for Mr. Banana-Grabber, Baby Banana-Grabber and any other Banana-Grabber family character that might emanate therefrom.
Michael: I retain animation rights, and we're gonna go back to single dip.
Gob: Done.

Lindsay: She can't drive herself. I mean, she's the world's worst driver.
Narrator: Lindsay was not exaggerating. Lucille had recently been featured on Fox's World's Worst Drivers.
Michael: Yeah. I can't believe she got that driver's license renewed.
Gob: She didn't. I dummied her up a new one. Not my best work though. She wanted to look 48. I nearly airbrushed her into oblivion. We ended up checking "Albino" on the form.

Michael: [on the phone] The truth is, I can wait on selling the yacht. It's just money, right?
Gob: Wow. How hard did you hit that steering wheel?
Michael: I actually hit the back of my head.
Gob: The back of your head?
Michael: Yeah. Gob, the accident only happened because I was trying to scare you. Maybe even hurt you.
Gob: That doesn't sound like you. It sounds like Mom.
Michael: Can we please just lay off Mom for a change? I mean, she's the one that helped me remember what happened. And trust me, I'm the bad guy here. Not her. And definitely not you, so, would you please just take the yacht?
Gob: I'll think about it. [hangs up] South America sounds good. But a chance to expose Mom? Turn this skiff around.
Captain: We haven't even left the dock.
Gob: But "skiff" is appropriate, right?

Buster: So, you're, uh you're not with Marta anymore?
Gob: Well, my plan is to get her wanting me but bad, and then I spring it on her. "I know you've been cheating on me, and you just cost yourself one fine man. And one fine CD of him singing 'Love is in the Air'."

Michael: Gob, shouldn't you be in bed?
Gob: Well, we got a meeting with Dad's attorney today. He's gonna want me to take a lie-detector test to use as evidence in Dad's trial, but, uh, I don't want to. What if they ask about a magic trick? I just I can't risk it.
Michael: They're not gonna ask you anything. They want me to take the polygraph test.
Gob: But I'm the oldest. The matriarch, if you will.
Michael: Sure. I will.

Gob: Zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the first born. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about and I'm taking over.
Michael: You want to be in charge?
Gob: Yeah.
Michael: You want to deal with what I deal with a sister who takes your money and throws it away; a mother who you can't trust; a company whose founder may be on trial for treason- Is that what you want?
Gob: What kind of vacation time does it offer?
Michael: Yeah.

Narrator: Michael Bluth arrived at work to find his brother adjusting to his new job as president.
Michael: What have you got there? "Don't be afraid to make a mi-" [inspirational framed poster falls off the wall]
Gob: I'm not gonna beat myself up over that.
Michael: Oh. It works. So, I wrote your "Message from the President" on the shareholders' statement. Starla's making copies.
Gob: Did I tell you that she'd make a great secretary?
Michael: Yeah. I'm not so sure that hiring her wasn't a mistake.
Gob: And I'm not afraid to make mistakes. Or have you forgotten this little- [smashes glass] Damn it! My legs are so powerful.

Narrator: Michael was adjusting to his new position as vice president which meant doing the work of the president, his brother Gob.
Gob: Michael.
Michael: Hey.
Gob: So, did you see the new Poof?
Michael: [closes the door] His name's Gary, and we don't need any more lawsuits.
Gob: No, I was talking about the magazine- Wait. Gary's gay?
Michael: Yeah.
Gob: Uh-oh. He's gonna think I was coming on to him.
[flashbacks:]
Gob: You've got a nice mouth.
Gob: I'd kill for that ass.
Gob: Okay, the chair's not doing it now but lately it's been giving out as soon as I lean back.