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Family Leave

‘Family Leave’

Season 5, Episode 1 - Aired May 29, 2018

When Michael returns to the penthouse after being punched by his own son, he tries to avoid Lucille 2 although his efforts are all for naught. Meanwhile, George Michael feels bad about hitting his father.

Quote from Lucille

Narrator: And Lucille and her therapist arrive at their beachside casita.
Lucille: Look at them. Dancing on the beach like they own the place.
Tobias: Good. We'll use that. I want to laser in on that anger. Look out at the ocean. Tell me, what does it make you think? Like, "Everyone's having fun but me, running and laughing and...
Lucille: I feel like men run away from me.
Tobias: I'm stuck here doing therapy.
Lucille: I've been deserted. Is that my fault? Is it because of my anger? When I see a squirrelly, little fruitcake like that one skipping into the ocean, I think, "Why do I hate him so much?" That little bald one there with the fringed cut-offs who... - Oh, [bleep]. It's you.

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Quote from Narrator

[flashback:]
Argyle Austero: You owe my sister $700,000.
Narrator: This, combined with a threat from Lucille 2's brother...
Argyle Austero: You can't hide in a gorilla suit from me.
Narrator: That one's hard to explain.

Quote from Narrator

Narrator: And missing a visit from Predator Entrapment host John Beard, who had arrived to retrieve some hidden cameras, now that it looked like his predator hole had been...
John Beard: ...fished out.

Quote from Narrator

Narrator: There are moments that are hard to take back. Moments that create too great a shift in dynamics.
An earthquake in a family that shatters both members' notions of themselves. Like when you punch your dad.
Michael: I was going to get out of it.
Narrator: And as they both began to absorb the weight of what had just happened-
George Michael: Hey, I hope I didn't-
Michael: It's forgotten.
Narrator: they both acted as if they hadn't.

Quote from Michael

Narrator: Michael was equally eager to avoid Lucille 2...
Maid: Goodbye, Missus.
Narrator: ...whom he believed to be in her apartment.
Michael: Boy. It's like the Weimar Republic in that place.

Quote from Michael

Michael: Don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up. [answers phone] Hey, I've been looking for you.
Lucille Austero: It's Lucille Austero. I've been looking for you.
Michael: Oh, hey. Uh, Lucille, yeah, look-- I-- [stammers, sighs] I called you before, um I'm right across the, um, uh, street. Uh, or city. Street, really. Our city, um the uh but we keep -missing each other, uh -checkbook Uh, I'd much rather do the checkbook. But I am driving away right now, so if you actually come out onto your balcony, you might even be able to see me driving. In fact, I think I see you. Is that you? Can I see you?
Narrator: Michael couldn't be sure that she was out on her deck. And while he had second thoughts about writing "Love you," he couldn't risk her coming out that door.

Quote from Michael

Narrator: And so, Michael left another message, careful not to make his son feel horrible with an apology of his own.
Michael: [on the phone] I wanted to hit you back... Uh sorry, um [stammering] I wanted to make one thing clear, um She, uh She does not know that we are father/son. That I was your, uh, your father. Uh, that I am your father. Okay? I will not apologize for that. [chuckling] Okay? Or anything, really. So, no pressure to call me back, but if you want, um, you know, hit me back. Okay? Well [chuckles] Again, sorry. Okay, bye.

Quote from Michael

Michael: Who are you?
Lt. Toddler: Uh, Newport Beach Police Department, Lieutenant Toddler.
Michael: Ah. Officer. Yeah, hi. I was hoping you were a cop. Hi. Always wanted to be a cop.
Lt. Toddler: Uh-huh.
Michael: [stammering] But they just don't pay fair.
Lt. Toddler: I do okay.
Michael: Hmm? Yeah, I'm sure you do. But, you know, you probably you haven't had to pay for a meal in years, though. Huh? I mean, I'm sure that you offer, yeah?

Quote from Michael

Lt. Toddler: Do you talk to Ms. Austero often?
Michael: I do not. Not often, no. I barely know her.
Lt. Toddler: Really? 'Cause it says right here that you love her.
Michael: It does, doesn't it? Yeah. You know [mumbling] It's the way that I say goodbye.
Lt. Toddler: Hmm.
Michael: Um, because you never know, um, if you're never gonna see someone again. You should know that. You see people actually die. I've seen one person die.
Lt. Toddler: Mm-hmm.
Michael: A postman. Uh, was not my favorite day of the year [chuckles] to say the least. And he is the one that taught me about loving each other. I guess this is sort of my way of keeping him alive.
Narrator: No, it was not.

Quote from Michael

Lt. Toddler: Well, Ms. Austero isn't quite a missing person yet. We are particularly interested in talking to Byron, who she apparently had a relationship with.
Michael: It's Buster. Uh, and that's why I know that they're up to something, 'cause the last time that I saw Buster was, um-
Narrator: And, resentful of his family, Michael came up with a plan to make them come back.
Michael: Tell me how this missing person thing works exactly.
Lt. Toddler: You want to report him missing?
Michael: I might.
Lt. Toddler: You'd have to call it in, but not until he's been gone for 72 hours.
Michael: Hmm. I think it's worth the wait. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. That's what we'll do. Because you find Buster, you're gonna find Lucille.
Lt. Toddler: Which one?
Michael: I don't think he cares. [elevator door closes slowly] See you later. Thank you for your service. Love you.

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