‘Family Leave’
Season 5, Episode 1 - Aired May 29, 2018
When Michael returns to the penthouse after being punched by his own son, he tries to avoid Lucille 2 although his efforts are all for naught. Meanwhile, George Michael feels bad about hitting his father.
Quote from Buster
Michael: So why are you here at the house?
Buster: Ma said she asked you to look after me.
Michael: No. She actually didn't. And I can't look after you. And you cannot be here.
Buster: You can't say I can't be here and say you're not looking after me. Pick a lane, Michael!
Michael: I can't believe she did that without consideration for what's going on in my life. Hope I never do that to my own, uh um...
Buster: Mom.
Michael: Son.
Buster: Ah. Oh, right.
Michael: Hope I never do that to my son.
Quote from George Michael
George Michael: You were at Gangie's penthouse?
Maeby: Lucille 2.
George Michael: Wh-
Maeby: You drive her car. How do you still not know who that is?
Quote from Maeby
Maeby: Wow. You're really just burning bridges all over the place, aren't you?
George Michael: I don't know what to do.
Maeby: Well, for starters, you could post it on Dadfights.
George Michael: Wait, that's a thing? It's just, like, a bunch of guys punching their dads, or?
Maeby: Yeah, well, you're supposed to say, "Guess what, Dad," but then some dads were catching on, and they were just whaling on their kids. You can watch those clips on That'sWhatSon.
Quote from Maeby
George Michael: Well, my dad didn't hit me back, which is even worse. Still, I mean, he knew I was the other man. For God knows how long.
Maeby: Well, it couldn't have been for long. He didn't seem to know when I told him.
George Michael: You told him I was dating Rebel?
Maeby: Well, technically, I said she was dumping her boyfriend, but... Yeah. I was kind of hoping something like this would happen. Hey, you had fired me. I was...
George Michael: ...mad.
Maeby: ...bored.
Quote from Maeby
George Michael: I should call him and say I'm sorry.
Maeby: Look, if you apologize to him, it's gonna make him feel horrible. So I think you should do it.
Quote from George Sr.
Lt. Toddler: Is your mother here?
Michael: My mother? No. I'm- I'm all grown up, Toddler.
Lt. Toddler: Okay, 'cause my partner was here yesterday, talked to someone who said that she lived here. It was a woman with red hair.
Narrator: In fact, it was George Sr. Who, after discovering he had almost no testosterone at all was frightened and confused and eager to hide from the world.
[flashback:]
George Sr.: I don't allow men in my apartment without my husband present.
Narrator: But George Sr. soon realized his impression of a woman wasn't going to win him any awards. So he took off in his trailer for Mexico to forget his shameful mistakes.
Quote from Gob
Gob: Hey, there. Friend of mine left me a note, um in my handwriting, and he said that you might be able to set me up with the pill that makes the memories go away, like a like a shame-wow.
Narrator: A request he'd made over 500 times.
Gob: See, I did something a little out of character. [chuckles] And, um, the window's kind of closing in on, you know, before it lodges in the long-term, um... What do you call it? Um... What do you call it? ... Brains. Long-term brains.
Narrator: But the store vendor had seen Gob more times than he was able to forget.
Gob: Yeah, make a call. Yes, definitely...
Store Owner: Policía.
Gob: Definitely check with Belicia. Wish her a Happy Five, by the way. You guys get that here or is that just out in the States? Getting in on it.
Quote from Gob
Narrator: And that's when he ran into his father.
George Sr.: Gob. Gob. What are you doing here?
Gob: Here? I'm just getting some boner pills [laughing] and this guys says I don't need them. He knows from boner... Anyway, what are you doing here?
George Sr.: Me, too, I don't need 'em.
Narrator: And then Gob had an idea.
Gob: What do you say you and I...
Narrator: A horrible idea.
Gob: [bleep] our way through Mexico?
Narrator: Of course, this wouldn't be an option for George Sr., which is why he replied...
George Sr.: Mexico won't be able to walk for a week.
Gob: [laughs] Two full weeks!
Quote from Michael
Michael: That's impossible. My mother's got brown hair.
Lt. Toddler: You don't know anyone with red hair?
Michael: No, I don't know anyone... Well, I know I'm just ending something right now with a woman who has red hair, Rebel Alley.
Lt. Toddler: Oh, Ron Howard's daughter.
Michael: That's the one. And Ron's got red hair. So, I guess that's two people I know with red hair. Of course, I'm holding a wig that is made of red hair. So that's those two and the wig, I think that's got it. And my sister has recently gotten the red hair. But she's nuts, so...
Quote from Lindsay
Narrator: Lindsay arrives at the border she had just called for a wall to protect.
Lindsay: Oh, they have one. [laughs nervously]
Border Guard: [speaks Spanish]
Driver: He wants your passport.
Lindsay: Oh, I didn't bring a [scoffs] I'm American. How do you say "I'm American" in Mexican?
Driver: Soy americano.
Lindsay: Hmm. That does sound good. Ask him for two.
Narrator: Lindsay is proud that she thought to include her driver.