Gob: That was Mom. She wants me back.
George Sr.: My God. Must be nice to be wanted, even if it's just your mom.
Gob: Oh, cry me a blizzard, snowflake. I gotta run. You got this, right? [laughs] Look who's horny now.

Maeby: [answers phone] Mom?
Lindsay: No, it's Lindsay. Uh, uh [raspberries] Mom. Yes. To you. Of course I'm Mom. I'm running for Congress, and I don't have a campaign manager and I need you.
Narrator: Maeby had never heard her mother this vulnerable.
Maeby: Yeah. Sounds great. I'm in. [hangs up] Hey, it is hard to resist. Taking advantage of the vulnerable. [takes a bottle of water and walks away]

Michael: I find all of this... it's just very hard to believe.
Gob: Tell you what is hard beyond belief. My God, I wish you could get a feel on these two things that Joni's got going over here. [laughs] They're like two geodes!
Michael: Hmm.
Joni Beard: You can feel them. I can't. My go-to joke is that these are the best two things John Beard's money can buy.
Gob: [chuckles] That's a go-to.

Narrator: Actually, Michael hadn't spoken to his son in months and didn't even know he had been in Mexico.
George Michael: Can we get four pretzels, two Cokes, and two Mexican Cokes?
Bartender: My friend, you're in México. We have Coke and American Coke.
George Michael: I didn't wish to offend.
Bartender: I'm sorry. I'm probably grumpy because I was out late last night, raping and murdering.
George Michael: Not cool. I wouldn't joke about that.
Bartender: I rape and murder, and I joke.
Narrator: And feeling unwelcome in this land that was still pretty welcoming, George Michael returned home, but wasn't quite ready to deal with real life.

Narrator: And he headed off to the penthouse, lost in an adolescent fantasy-
George Michael: Hi- Don't like it.
Narrator: ...that he was soon shaken out of.
Maeby: What? My hair?
George Michael: No, no, I like it. I just, uh, don't like that I'm just seeing it now. I guess I was picturing you at 16. [chuckles] But I-I don't know why I do that. But why did you do that?

Lucille: There's one trophy: The Golden Anchor, and Lindsay gets it.
Gob: Wait, what? For Family of the Year?! No!
Lucille: We need her to be the center of this. She's the one running for office.
Gob: Well, what about Dad? You're the head of the family. You're the alpha. Or me, for that matter. I am the CEO. Mom said.
Lucille: Fine, I'll get trophies for everyone.
Gob: [scoffs] Everyone gets a trophy. [chuckles] Count me out.
Lucille: Fine. Everyone but Gob.
Gob: No!

Michael: Well, you know, listen, I-I wasn't gonna go, so don't-don't not go, because I'm you know.
George Michael: Well, you're the reason I would go.
Michael: Oh, yeah?
George Michael: I just have some plans, so I can't.
Michael: Yeah. Sweet. You got plans, huh? Well, we make plans, and God laughs.
George Michael: That's right.
Michael: Right?
George Michael: No, I always want to make plans, but... You don't want to be laughed at.

Michael: God's probably- I can almost hear him laughing, you know?
George Michael: Wow, yeah.
Michael: Although, maybe, I imagine, it doesn't make him laugh anymore.
George Michael: I mean, so much of life is, uh, plans. It would just be the same joke over and over.
Michael: So he's -It's not funny anymore.
George Michael: What's he laughing at?

Michael: No, I-I think I was-was pretty clear that I- You know, I broke up with her. You know, I show up there, I got a cactus, for God's sakes, you know, which is that's the universal sign for "things are over."
George Michael: No, she must have just thought that you would also, um...
Michael: Say it.
George Michael: Yeah. Say it.