Narrator: Michael's sister, meanwhile, was doing some selling out of her own.
Lindsay: I'm not going to sell my five percent, even though you haven't made an offer... Which would be how much, by the way?
Stan Sitwell: Five percent? Lucille actually gave you less than her natural children?
Lindsay: I hope that's not a crack about my hair color, lips, forehead, nose and teeth. Because at least I'm not wearing a rayon sweater set on my face.
Stan Sitwell: It's alpaca, actually. Cruelty-free really narrows your choices. But that's not what I meant when I said "natural child."
Lindsay: Wait a minute, you're saying I'm adopted?
Stan Sitwell: I'm sorry. I thought you knew. Have I upset you?
Lindsay: Are you kidding me? This is the happiest I've been since the day I got my new nose! I'm not a Bluth!
Stan Sitwell: You were almost a Sitwell, but 37 years ago, the Bluths adopted you out from under us. So we said good-bye to you, our darling little three-year-old.
Lindsay: Uh, wait, "three-year-old"? Uh, you said it was 37 years ago.
Stan Sitwell: Oh, yeah, right. Hey, we should do something for your 40th next week.
Narrator: This part of the news Lindsay didn't take that well.

Narrator: Maeby, meanwhile, had returned to Tantamount Studios, where word was, she was to be replaced when it was discovered she was not the age she claimed to be.
Maeby: Please don't fire me.
Mort Meyers: Fire you? Are you kidding? I've already gotten ten requests for the TV rights to your story. You got to get your family to sign the release papers. This is the biggest thing to happen since Uniprod hired that wee-brain to run Drama Development.

Narrator: Michael had compromised his morals, and was having trouble sleeping. Of course, some of that was Lindsay.
Michael: Are you drunk?
Lindsay: A little. We need to talk.
Michael: Yeah, I'll say. Are you aware that your daughter and my son have been getting physical? I mean, can you imagine anything that inappropriate? [Lindsay climbs on top of Michael] Whoa. I guess you can. What are you doing?
Lindsay: I'm not your sister.
Michael: What?
Lindsay: I'm adopted.
Michael: Wait, Lindsay-
Lindsay: And I'm three years older.
Michael: Hey, there must be some mistake.
Lindsay: No. Mom confirmed it. And I know you've always found me attractive. You've been telling me that for the last 40 years.

Michael: Wait, Lindsay. This is crazy.
Lindsay: If I don't get divorced and remarry in the next month, I'm going to sell those shares, and I'm gonna cash out. So, what do you say?
Narrator: But even Michael couldn't sell out that much.
Michael: I'm just not that into older women.
Lindsay: You bastard!

Narrator: Soon, George Michael went to Ann's to try to win her back. But her Uncle Paul told him that Ann had moved in with her boyfriend. He also mentioned that we all only had three more weeks on earth, and that fossils were just something the Jews buried in 1924. And so, feeling that he couldn't go home, George Michael decided to seek out his own creepy uncle, and Michael confronted his mother about the adoption.

Narrator: And George Michael was about to come across a hot seaman of his own.
George Michael: Uncle Gob?
Gob: What are you doing here? How'd you find me?
George Michael: My Dad said that you were living down here with your girlfriend.
Gob: You know about her?
George Michael: Who?
Gob: Ann.
George Michael: Her?
Narrator: Gob had been dating Ann since he awarded her third place in an inner-beauty pageant. Since then, Ann and her friends tried to teach Gob about the Holy Trinity.

Stan Sitwell: Never seen a CEO cry like that before. Except at a sentencing. That's who you're putting in charge?
Lucille: I've made a huge mistake. Will you take the company for 20% above market?
Stan Sitwell: Ten, and I'll take the company off your hands right now.
Lucille: 15% and I'll throw in Nellie.
Stan Sitwell: She's 40.
Lucille: 12. [they shake hands]

Narrator: But Lucille was not going peacefully.
Lucille: You boys know how to shovel coal?
Narrator: I don't even want to tell you what these guys thought that meant.