Lucille: They are persecuting me. It was an accident. This is ridiculous! If I'd told them we were taking a bunch of gays out there to get married, they'd have thrown me a parade. Let's tell them we were taking a bunch of gays to get married.
Lindsay: Yeah, I don't think your record on that issue is going to back that up, Mom.
Narrator: In fact, it was an issue of the Bay Window magazine that would most damage her with the gay community.
Lucille: Fine. We'll say they took it on a joyride. And you have no right to criticize me. At least I was able to turn my Queen around.
Tobias: None taken.
Narrator: This is Tobias Fünke, who should have taken more.
Lindsay: You cannot say one nice thing to your daughter, can you?
Lucille: Adopted daughter. And that's not true.