Gob: Might be a great promotion for the Bluth Company.
Michael: No, Bluth Company's done. I started my own company, Michael B. Company.
Gob: I have a bee company. You stole my idea?
Michael: Uh-huh, I did not steal your- We sell- It would take hours. How's that going, by the way?
Gob: Uh, not so good. I've been keeping the bees in my apartment. I was using my magic smoke on them. My bees are dropping like flies, and I need them to fly like bees. And so I've got them out at a bee hospital, which is not cheap, which is another reason I need to be a famous magician. The whole thing...

Narrator: And on the day of the wedding, even though Gob didn't take it seriously, he was a little hurt to discover no one else in his family did, either.
Ann: I know it's bad luck for you to see me in my gown before the wedding.
Gob: Well, hopefully I haven't.
Ann: You're angry.
Gob: Why? Because none of my family has shown up and the only person I recognize out there is Tony Wonder, who's only shown up hoping that I'd fail?
Ann: I don't know what your surprise trick is, but I know it's going to be great. And as for your family, you have a new family now. [chuckles]
Gob: I don't want these.

Gob: Thanks for coming.
Tobias: Well, how could I not? I'm playing Roman Centurion Number Two. What are you playing?
Gob: I'm the groom.
Tobias: I didn't know there was a groom part. You know, Betty at And As It Is Such, So Also As Such Is It Unto You casting told me this was all biblical.
Gob: Wait, you're not here for the wedding?
Tobias: Well, thank you very much for your vote of confidence. I'll have you know I've worked for The Miracle Network a number of times.
Female Announcer: Coming up next, Father Marsala's searing docudrama, Father Marsala's John the Baptist. Then the antiabortion drama, Embryo Dan: it Would Have Been a Wonderful Life. And later, break out the bagels. It's time for Father M's lighthearted comedy, A Jew Came to Dinner.
Tobias: I hate to be the guy who quotes his own reviews, but His Word magazine called my Jew "pitiful."

Gob: Thanks for that killer intro. It's true, this is a magical trick. If what Jesus did was a trick. [audience groan] I say it wasn't. [audience applaud] It was an illusion. [audience gasp]
Tobias: Ooh! They did not like that one.
Gob: I don't take notes from you, Centurion Number Two. Just turn this thing around. I am not the real Jesus. I am the Amazing Jesus! [silence] No? I thought that that would be up your... alley. Yes, the real Jesus came off the cross and went into his cave a dead man. And Gob's escape boulder was wheeled up to the trick.
But was he crazy enough to do it handcuffed?
Tobias: Handcuff the King of the Jews!
Gob: You don't have words here- Pastor Veal, if you don't mind, please go up into the cave and assure everyone that there's no way to escape. No trapdoors, no secret compartments, no way to get out. Pastor Veal, let me remind you that you are in a church in front of your daughter, your congregation, God. You cannot tell a lie. Right, nothing out of the ordinary?
Pastor Veal: No, I didn't see anything.
Gob: Yes. Jesus went into the cave, and he arose three days later. But I'm not going to lock myself in a cave for three days before this wedding ceremony. No, no. No, no, no. I plan on beating his record by two full weeks! [dramatic music plays]
Tobias: Into the cave with you!
Gob: No, I said don't underline the "you" in that.
Narrator: Unfortunately, Gob was not able to open the secret compartment that contained the handcuff key.
Gob: It's not going to work. Okay, this isn't going to work. Let's do mouse in drink. Just get these people some drinks. We'll just get a mouse. No, no, no. No, no, no, you know not what you do!
Narrator: But it very clearly said in the centurions' script to ignore the magician's protests, which meant that, still handcuffed...
Gob: But if my hands are handcuffed, I'll never...
Narrator: Gob was unable to break his fall and was therefore knocked unconscious. And as the Gob dummy was sealed inside the cave, the real Gob's fate was sealed, as well.
Pastor Veal: Well, I guess we'll wait two weeks and see if he's in there. Is that okay with you, Ann?
Ann: He's not coming back.

Narrator: After a week in the hospital, Gob was happy to finally see a familiar shape.
Ann: You humiliated me. You made a mockery of my religion and you ruined our wedding.
Gob: Our first fight, and like all fights, you're a little right, I'm a little right.
Ann: I sold your cave on Craigslist.
Gob: So it was all worth it. We have money to start our life together. Now we have our nest, Egg- Ann. Now we have our nest, Ann.

Steve Holt: Look, I feel sorry for you, Pops.
Gob: Hey, pal, I'm not that much older than you, guy. Nah, I'm just here, I'm looking for my son. I'm trying to get some cash out of him, actually.
Steve Holt: You have another son? I have a brother? [chuckles] Oh, man.
Gob: Yes, Steve. Yeah.
Steve Holt: What's his name?
Gob: Dave.
Steve Holt: Oh! Dave Holt.
Gob: Yeah, Dave Holt.
Narrator: Yes, Gob had been speaking to his son for an hour and a half.

Narrator: The next few months were a blur of partying. And shame. But Gob had a trick for helping him forget the shame. Unfortunately it also helped him forget that he tried to forget the shame.
Gob: Hey, remember me?
Narrator: ...and soon Gob found himself experiencing what, on the street, is referred to as a roofie circle.
Gob: I won't forget this.
Narrator: ...whereby a roofie is taken the day after a degrading event too late to erase the memory of the degrading event itself, but not too late to erase the prior day's attempt to erase the event. Thus, with no memory of taking the roofie, but the memory of the event very much alive...
Gob: Ooh, I should grab a...
Narrator: The victim of the roofie circle finds himself constantly trying to re-erase the memory.
Gob: What's with the scary guy? [speaks Spanish]
Narrator: ...but only succeeds in erasing the memory of the attempt to erase the memory. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months...
Gob: What's with all the Christmas decorations?
Narrator: ...as relationships grow testier. And what begins in shame...
Gob: Hey, remember me?
Narrator: almost always ends...
Gob: You remember me? You remember me?
Narrator: ...in a Mexican hospital...
Gob: Remember me?
Narrator: with stage-four syphilis.

Narrator: Hollywood Boulevard at night is the playground of the hip, young and successful. It was into this world that Gob Bluth had finally arrived, surrounded for the first time in his life by a group of admirers that comprised LA's latest young elite. There was Mark, a pop star who had a level of fame he could neither appreciate nor handle. Trout, a Southern boy who had a Northern man's taste in women. J.B.J., a weekend weatherman, all-week party boy and a huge disappointment to his father. Chris K, who was a lot like Trout, but without the accent. Oakwood, a studio teacher, who might have had his own entourage, if his part hadn't been cut from the pilot of Modern Family. And, of course, there was the man they called Getaway.

Ann: So how did you like your egg?
Gob: I said you were fine.
Ann: So, was there something you wanted to talk about when you came in through my window? Gob, what is it?
Gob: What- What is it? I- You... It's the... The questions... You have so many of these... These questions that... That you keep asking for me... For- Should- Should I... Should I...? Should the... Should the guy... Should the guy in the... In the $32... In the $32 pink... Bath- Should the girl in the $6,000 tuxedo...
Narrator: Gob was uncomfortable with the question.
Gob: Should In the $32 In the $3,400... Should the guy... Come on, come on. Let's - Come on - Come on, come on Gob!
Ann: Calm down! Listen, we had a great night together. I understand if you need your freedom.
Gob: Well, marry me.
Ann: Yes. Yes, I'll marry you, Gob!
Narrator: Of course, Gob meant it in the showbizzy way his niece had always used when she was accused of being too young. But like many evangelicals, Ann took it literally.

Narrator: Gob was feeling bolder, which was perhaps why Michael returned home to find this.
Gob: [o.s.] And yea, as if to be arisen the third or fourth day with all the magic of... [boulder tips over] Jesus Christ!
Michael: Sorry. Wasn't on there too good. You okay?
Gob: Yeah, it's just part of my illusion for the wedding.
Michael: Yeah, what's the illusion? That you actually love the bride?
Gob: Hey, that's good patter. 'cause I need people to root for the Jesus character.
Michael: I don't remember a biblical passage where Jesus came out of a boulder. Is it in there?
Gob: Oh, no, no, no, the boulder's my escape plan. They think I'm somewhere else. I'm actually in the boulder.