‘Charity Drive’
Season 1, Episode 5 - Aired November 30, 2003
As Lucille and Buster prepare for a charity auction, Michael and Linsday try to prove to each other they're not selfish. Meanwhile, George Sr. calls on Gob to fix a business problem.
Quote from George Sr.
George Sr.: There's a dentist in here who, uh, took liberties with his patients. I'm gonna ask him to look at whatever is happening with you.
Gob: Thanks, Pop.
George Sr.: Hey, my stock is never gonna be higher with his gang than it is right now.
Gob: Yeah. So have you, uh, made a decision or I don't know.
George Sr.: I thought I had it down to two but then the Haitians made this beautiful pitch.
Quote from George Sr.
Gob: I delegated, just like you taught me.
George Sr.: Who'd you get?
Gob: George Michael.
George Sr.: My grandson?
Yeah.
George Sr.: You got my 14-year-old grandson to do this.
Gob: Under 18 walks out clean.
George Sr.: Listen, um, there's a very strict "no touching" policy here, but... Um... Oh, what the hell. It's worth a week in the hotbox. [hits Gob with a newspaper]
Prison Guard: No touching!
George Sr.: You stupid ass.
Quote from Buster
Auctioneer: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the lovely Lucille.
Buster: Move! Move! Move! Move!
Auctioneer: Who is the lucky bachelor-
Narrator: And Buster showed up just in time...
Buster: Ten thousand dollars!
Lucille Austero: Buster!
Narrator: ...to bid on the wrong Lucille.
Lucille Austero: How grand! How terribly grand!
[Buster faints]