Narrator: After successfully looking like he'd had a fight with his boyfriend, Gob put his plan into action. Knowing that Tony would go into the closet and pop out of somewhere else, Gob proceeded to lock everything he could find.
Gob: Who's the dumbwaiter now?

Tony Wonder: Your assistant probably sabotaged you. I don't even use one anymore. I resorted to using my own legs in the Saw-the-Lady-in-Half gag. I even shaved them. Want to feel?
Gob: Wow, they are smooth. Like a lady's. I think.
Tony Wonder: You're funny. Too bad we can't do this more. I don't know if it'd be great for my reputation to be seen with the fundamentalist Christian magician.
Narrator: And he was suspicious that Gob might not actually be gay.
Valet: Valet is closing. The Cabriolet, license plate ANUSTART.
Gob: That's me.
Tony Wonder: Oh, what the hell? Let's do it.

Michael: Looks like he's turning into a parking lot. My Little Ballroom. Of course, yeah. She's got a kid, he's acting like he's Father of the Year or something. I bet he's pretending Steve Holt is, like, nine. I just saw him. He looks 50.

Gob: You're mad at me.
Tony Wonder: You stood me up.
Gob: No. Siri sent me to the wrong Ballroom, and then I got in this fight with my brother that didn't hurt. It was just a whole...
Tony Wonder: Is that it? Or is it because your boyfriend is 20 and I'm nearly twice that?
Gob: You think that I care that you're three years older than me?

Gob: He's gonna be my boss? He's the younger brother.
Tony Wonder: How old is he?
Gob: Forty-two.
Tony Wonder: Same! My younger brother's 42, also.
Gob: Same! But...
Tony Wonder: I mean 32.
Gob: Third. Two.
Tony Wonder: Thirty-two.
Gob: Thirty-two! Same!

Gob: We were really thirsty. Well, I guess I should get going...
Tony Wonder: Yeah, I'd say stay, but I just I feel... I just feel like we should take it slow, you know?
Gob: Same. I would definitely stay and have gay sex with... Or normal sex with you, but...
Tony Wonder: Yeah, I would totally have gay sex or whatever, but... Just drank a lot of water, you know.
Gob: I just had a lot of water, too.
Tony Wonder: Yeah, I don't want to rush things.
Gob: Same. Same.
Tony Wonder: You know, maybe we make a date to do it another time, and tonight we just...
Gob: We can just sit and talk.
Narrator: Gob had never said anything like that before.
Tony Wonder: That would be amazing.
Narrator: And then he said something else he'd never said before.
Gob: [stilted] I have feelings for you.
Tony Wonder: [stilted] I have feelings for you.
Narrator: The feeling was friendship, but neither had ever experienced it. All they had to do now was avoid making any specific...
Tony Wonder: Why don't we have normal sex on Cinco?
Gob: Let's have normal sex on Cinco.
Narrator: I guess they figured they could get out of it later. I'm not sure why they said that.

Gob: How long has it been?
Ann: It's been five years.
Gob: What are you doing here?
Ann: I'm taking my 5-year-old to see Fantastic Four.
Gob: I'm pretty sure that's an adult- Wait, you have a five-year-old?
Ann: Oui.
Gob: What? We what?
Ann: No, oui. It's French for "yes." As in, "Yes, I have a son, and his father's a magician."
[mariachi band plays Simon and Garfunkel's "The Sound of Silence"]
Gob: Oh. It's not us.
Ann: Don't worry, it's not you. It was a real magician. He took advantage of how angry I was when you wouldn't come out of that cave. He promised me a life together, and after he had his way with me, he never wanted to see me again. I don't think there's anything wonderful about Tony Wonder.
Gob: Are you kidding me? Are you saying-
Ann: Yes.
Gob: Tony's straight?
Narrator: Gob felt betrayed by a person he was starting to trust, and he decided to do something about it.
Gob: How would you like to spend the night making revenge love?

Gob: You're having sex with Tony Wonder tonight.
Ann: Well, I thought we were having sex.
Gob: Oh! Uh, no, thank you. Listen, here's the plan. This house is wired with hidden cameras from Entrap a Local Predator. There, there, there and there. We're going to destroy Tony's career by proving that he's straight when he has sex with you while you're wearing this Gob mask. Oh, and this little black mini-robe. Just to really sell that you're a man.
Ann: Why would I wear a Gob mask?
Gob: Because Tony's coming here expecting to have sex with me. Look, in the act of having fake gay sex, you're going to take off the mask to reveal that you're having real straight sex, destroying his career, and it's all going to be captured on that camera right there.
Ann: I don't want to have sex with Tony.
Gob: Aren't you just a little-
Ann: I have a child with him!
Gob: Okay, yes, new plan. I'm going to wear this Tony Wonder mask, you're going to wear the Gob mask, and I am going to have sex with you. I'm sorry about all that. And then, again, you're going to rip off the Gob mask, and the world will think that he's straight, and it'll ruin his career. That's great. Much simpler plan, thank you. But the main event is us having this... pretend gay but actually straight sex. And you know what it is? It's a straight bait. I just realized, it's a straight bait. You ever watch those? [Ann goes into the bathroom] Good, and let me have the room, yeah. I need a little while to get same. To be the same.

Michael: Besides, you could not make me feel worse right now.
Gob: I'd be willing to let you have your apology back if you give me the chance to try. Bad example. If you were ashamed of being in love with a man, suddenly discovered these new feelings, something that you only allowed to happen because you thought he was gay and you were hoping to exact revenge, but then you found out he was straight, then you wanted to get even. So maybe you put a mask on someone and then tried to convince yourself that the sex you were about to have was with yourself, but it turned out to be him, and all you ended up doing was proving that your feelings were real... Then I might say something like, "Homo much?"
Michael: It's not that.
Gob: I said, "Bad example."

Gob: No, I'm not talking about selling these mausoleums. I mean destroying Tony Wonder. I'm gonna destroy his career the same way that he destroyed mine.
Narrator: Gob was referring to an escape act he'd performed that had failed when the hidden compartment that held the keys to his escape hadn't opened it's not going to work. humiliating him in front of his bride... Uh, her...
Ann: He's not coming back.
Narrator: ...and all of Christendom.