Courtney: I went from having one teacher to two. Ain't that some [bleep]?
Janine & Melissa: Courtney!
Melissa: You know, I'm glad she's in your class now so you two can throw your little tantrums together.
Janine: I'm sorry, was it not a tantrum when you sent Courtney to my class without warning me about her behavioral issues? Yes, I saw your notes in your file.
Melissa: I did try to warn you, ya gabbadost, but you got too big for your britches and you didn't want to listen.
Janine: Well, maybe if you hadn't been making fun of me yesterday, I wouldn't have gotten defensive.
Melissa: Janine, I was goofing. Unlike when you called me a bad teacher, something I would never call you. You know, I-I know that review hit you hard, but I didn't deserve that.
Janine: [sighs] Okay. I'm sorry. You're right. You're right. That review really, really hurt my feelings, and I took it out on you.
Melissa: It wasn't even that bad. It just said you were less experienced. Listen, if you go look at the Facebook reviews of my cousin Rocco's hoagie shop, you would think the man sold food poisoning. [Janine chuckles] But he's gonna keep making hoagies. You know why? Most people love them. You got to keep making hoagies.

Vick: Ol' I should have been a hooper, but basketball didn't exist lookin' boy.
Raheem: 1800s Slenderman in the face.
Jacob: Okay, while these are hilarious, let's try and incorporate some of the lessons into the roast.
Vick: Ol' bullet in the head at Ford's Theatre lookin' boy.
Raheem: My mans got ain't been sleeping four score and seven years ago bags all up under his eyes.
Cierra: Abe Lincoln. I'm Abe Lincoln, Mr. Hill.
Jacob: Yes, yes! Good work, team!
[Gregory gives Jacob a thumbs up as he passes his classroom. Jacob returns two thumbs up.]
[aside to camera:]
Jacob: Yeah, I guess, like, thumbs up is kind of our thing now.

Gregory: Okay, so if B makes it block, then C makes it what? [a boy points] Uh, not quite. Try again. [the boy points again] There you go. Good job.
[As Jacob passes the classroom, Gregory is giving a thumbs up to the student]
[aside to camera:]
Jacob: Wow. You think you know someone, and then they cheat on you with their thumb.
[back; after Jacob walks away:]
Gregory: Ol' Siskel & Ebert two thumbs up lookin' ass boy.

Ava: Oh, hey, Barbara! Nothing to see here, just Janine going on and on about what a handful Courtney is and how she can't handle the situation at all.
Barbara: Is that so?
Ava: [clicks tongue] Fine. I guess technically Janine succeeded. She figured out that Courtney needs to be bumped up a grade. [sighs] Guess you win the bet.
Barbara: Hmm.
Janine: Barbara? You believed in me?
Barbara: Janine, why don't you go handle this transfer so that your class isn't any more disrupted than it already has been?
Janine: Okay. Mm. [makes symbol with hangs] It's a heart. [voice breaking] I learned that from Courtney.
[aside to camera:]
Janine: I thought Barbara bet against me, but she didn't. She actually thinks I'm a great teacher. Maybe even better than... [Courtney runs out of the class room] Courtney! Hey, Courtney! What, get... How'd you get back in the building? Courtney!

Janine: Gooooood morning, Mrs. Howard. I mean "good morning." I know you told me not to elongate my vowels before we're in school.
Barbara: Good morning, Janine.
Janine: Good morning.

Man: Ms. Howard?
Barbara: Yes?
Man: Ms. Howard! It is you! Yo! I would have thought you would have retired by now! Yo, I just dropped off my nephew and... Yo, you was always my favorite teacher, and I never got a chance to thank you for everything you did for me back in kindergarten.
Barbara: Aw, sweetheart, you don't have to thank me for that. You did this.
Man: Of course I need to thank you. Before I was in your class, everyone would have been like, "Oh, he's gon' be the one that needs to be secured." But thanks to you, I'm out here securing.
Barbara: [gasps] Well, I am very proud of you. By the way, how is your mother?
Man: Well, that's complicated, but it's gon' mean so much to my moms that Ms. Howard asked after her.
Barbara: Well, sweetheart, it was so good to see you, and have a great rest of your day.
Man: You, too, Ms. Howard.
Barbara: Alright.
Man: You, too.
Barbara: Bye.
Man: Bye.
[Janine and Barbara walk into the school]
Janine: [chuckles] See, Mrs. Howard? That is why we do this. Mold those young minds. Just create new lives, make those connections. That...
Barbara: Sweetheart, I have no idea who that young man was. Morning.

Jacob: "Nice but lacks experience compared to the other second grade teacher at Abbott."
Melissa: Hey, that's me. The other second grade teacher at Abbott. [chuckles]
Jacob: This isn't that bad. One of my reviews was so rude, the superintendent had to come check on me at home.
Janine: Yeah, well, that's you, though. I don't get bad reviews.
Melissa: You just did. [chuckles]
Barbara: [coughs] Girl, please, stop. You're gonna make me spit my coffee out.
Gregory: Okay, look, ignore this. Reviews on a poorly designed website do not determine what kind of teacher you are.
Janine: Yeah, no. No, I just can't believe the entire world can read that I'm a bad teacher.
Melissa: Hey, kid, listen. There's nothing wrong with having some room for improvement. Just take it from me, the other, better, more experienced teacher at Abbott. [Melissa and Barbara chuckle]

Janine: [aside to camera] Melissa plays a lot. She jokes. You know? She's good at it. Just another thing she's better at than me, according to the reviews. She's a regular Lucille Ball. [chuckles dryly]

Raheem: What up, ol' curly head Arthur from PBS looking boy?
Jacob: And good morning to you, Raheem.
Gregory: You let them talk to you like that?
Jacob: Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but the boys and I are bonding in the tradition of playing the dozens. It's also called roasting. Also called, uh, blazing, frying. Hmm. Lot of cooking terminology.
Gregory: Look, man. I'm from Baltimore, okay? All I know is when somebody roasts you, you got to roast them back. Our teachers used to roast us. If they didn't, we wouldn't have respected them. You're just getting clowned.
Jacob: Of course I'm being clowned, okay? I don't know how to roast.
Gregory: It's not that hard. You just kind of have to take what people give you, like... You ol' mothball-sweater-vest looking boy.
Jacob: Hmm. Simple yet cutting.
Gregory: Mm-hmm.
Jacob: Okay. Thank you. I thought you had to bring way more to the table. In the Dean Martin celebrity roasts...

Janine: Alright, attendance time. So raise your hand if you're not here. [laughter] Alright, so Nicole's not here. [intercom beeps]
Ava: [over intercom] Janine, come to my office.
Children: Ooh!
Janine: Alright, everybody, uh, settle down. Okay, everyone's who's not here, please be good, alright? I'll be right back.
Ava: [over intercom] Mm-hmm. She'll be right back.
Janine: Can she see me?