Jacob Quote #77
Quote from Jacob in Student Transfer
Jacob: Hey, I need to talk. Like to a friend. You know how sometimes when you're being chased by a dog and you can't tell if it's playing or if it's trying to bite you?
Gregory: No.
Jacob: But at the same time, you don't want to stop running, because if it isn't playing, you're gonna get bit? Look, I tried roasting my students back, and it didn't work. It got way worse and oddly specific.
Gregory: Come on. It couldn't have been that bad.
Jacob: They called me "HuffPo-reading gay Pete Buttigieg," which is repetitive and insulting. As if I would read a word of Huffington Post after Arianna stepped down.
Gregory: You may just have to take the L on this one, man. I mean, you can't really beat them at their own game. It's like them challenging you to... Dungeons & Dragons.
Jacob: Yeah, you can't really challenge someone to D&D. It's more like a cooperative game that's all about the shared experience rather than winning. [gasps, snaps fingers] Thank you, you ol' good friendship having man.
Abbott Elementary Quotes
‘Student Transfer’ Quotes
Quote from Barbara
Jacob: Barbara, have you ever been roasted by your students?
Barbara: One, they're five. Two, they respect me. Three, what would they even say?
Quote from Ava
Janine: I feel that with a more challenging workload, Courtney will be much, much easier to handle, and she won't have time to distract her classmates.
Ava: Mm-hmm. Why does that sound so familiar? Oh. Hold up.
Melissa: [removes file] Part 3?
Ava: My bad, y'all. She was supposed to skip second grade, but they told me during Essence Fest. I missed a lot of paperwork during that month.
Janine: Isn't Essence Fest just a weekend?
Ava: Maybe for y'all.
Quote from Jacob
Vick: Looking like Ron Weasley if he was a pick-up artist. [laughter]
Raheem: This man look like he dream in podcasts. [laughter]
Jacob: Well, look at you, ol' blue shirt, tan pants wearing guy. With your bright white shoes and the laces all tied up into a little bow? Yeah. [laughs] No way those are accidentally falling off.
Raheem: Mr. Vampire Weekend, that really hurt my feelings.
Jacob: Oh, my God. Raheem, I am... I am so sorry.
Raheem: You should be. With that Twilight-shaped mouth!
Vick: [laughs] Got him!
Raheem: [laughter] That's what we're all wearing. It's a uniform. You ain't even observant, dawg.
[aside to camera:]
Jacob: They say the first year of teaching is the hardest. But... [sighs] What about the second year?