Barbara: I do not agree with anything in that commercial. I just think that we need to find a different way to get what we want. If... If we stoop to their level, we're no better than they are. They go low, we go high.
Melissa: Yeah. Eyes, nose, throat.
Barbara: No.

Janine: Yeah, well, speech or no speech, something is off.
Melissa: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you accusing me of cheating, Teagues?
Janine: Uh, yeah. Only because you brag about cheating all the time. [Melissa scoffs]
Barbara: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Now, now, Melissa does cheat from time to time.
Melissa: Yeah, my first boyfriend. My... My second boyfriend. Keto diet 'cause I ain't giving up carbs.
Barbara: But she would never cheat on an actual competition.
Melissa: Yeah. What am I, the USC athletic director? Okay, fine. You know what? I'm gonna go right now and check my readers' reports just to make sure we're on the level, alright?

Melissa: [as Vito Corleone] You come to my house on the day my doughnut is to be married, and you ask me for a fritter. [normal voice] Only one?
Janine: Yeah.
Melissa: [as the Terminator] You'll be back. [as Forrest Gump] Life is like a box of choc...
Jacob: Melissa, you're bad at impressions! You're...
Melissa: [as the Soup Nazi] No doughnut for you!
Barbara: Okay. Now, that was good.

Janine: [fire alarm wailing] I didn't know we were having a fire drill today. Was it on the schedule?
Gregory: I have it memorized, and no.
Janine: Oh.
Melissa: Single-file line, most flammable kids first, and remember... No running!

Melissa: You don't think it kills us to see those faces in the morning? What, are we made of stone? You're not the first person to feel things, kid. We care.
Janine: How do you and Barbara stop yourselves from caring too much, if that's a thing?
Melissa: Because it's the opposite. We care so much, we refuse to burn out. If we burn out, who's here for these kids? That's why you gotta take care of yourself. What is with you today, anyway? You... You're normally bananas, but...
Janine: I don't know. Just some stuff at home, I think.
Melissa: Oh. Okay. See, that's the other thing me and Barbara learned. All that at-home stuff... You gotta... [clicks tongue] Leave it right at that door. Otherwise, you open up a whole 'nother Panera's box of problems.
Janine: I think you mean Pandora's box.
Melissa: No, I'm pretty sure it's Panera's box.

Melissa: Hey. You gonna ask for a pair of headphones on that little wishlist of yours? 'Cause I cannot listen to one more squeaky voice begging for pencils.
Janine: Well, if you saw how much stuff these teachers got, you would make one, too.
Melissa: Yeah, no. I'm good. I got plenty of classroom supply plugs to keep me stocked up on whatever I need. It's not my fault yous didn't want into the deal.
Jacob: Okay, to be fair, none of us said no. We simply had a few questions.
Melissa: And I said that's a few too many questions.

Janine: You guys, I have been reading up on this, and our students are gonna get a huge boost from this software. I mean, our kids are gonna be reading at the speed of light.
Barbara: Well, I, for one, prefer the tried and true methods over whatever the latest doohickey is. I mean, I have yet to see the program that can do what I do by, you know, teaching.
Janine: Well, old-school teaching is great, but the latest doohickey can be a helpful addition.
Melissa: Yeah, tech has its place. Like when you haven't been with a man for a few years.

Janine: So, when I first got the ball moving on the gifted program, I said, "Janine..."
Melissa: Okay, skip this part. What do you want?
Janine: Some chicken eggs that will hatch for my class. I want to teach them about their reproductive systems.
Melissa: Gimme a week.

Melissa: Okay, I'm back. Had to show a couple of parents... how to get to another school. They were in the wrong place. [reshuffles cards] Oh, sorry, Mr. Johnson, I gotta do that. Last time I trusted someone else to shuffle, I lost a kidney.

Jacob: Is that a water ice?
Melissa: I was looking for the kid while I was getting it.