TV Quotes

Rose: I don't drink before bedtime. I stop all liquids at noon and I still wake up.
Sophia: I never have that problem. Never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I go in the morning. Every morning like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don't wake up till 8.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Rachel: And hey, just so you know, it's not that common. It doesn't happen to every guy. And it is a big deal!
Chandler: I knew it!

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Joey: Where is the waitress? I'm starving.
Chandler: It's a buffet, man.
Joey: Oh, here's where I win all my money back!

Rachel: The nights are the hardest. But then the day comes and that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again...
Monica: The days and nights are hard, I get it. Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. I have to start getting ready. I'm getting married today.
Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me.

Alexis: Excuse me, this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm single. The singles market is very lucrative. Did you know, that there's a small town in Ireland that hosts a singles week every year, and it's become so popular, that they're able to subsidize their entirely yearly budget, just on profits?
Moira: It's a valiant first effort, Alexis, it is. But darling, do keep those wheels turning! As the Irish like to say, [Irish accent] it's a cinch to mash the Murphy where there's love.

Moira: Exactly, David. You are bored, lethargic, and practically dripping with ennui!
David: Okay, that's a bit much.
Moira: I blame myself. I've set a standard of activity and engagement so high you don't even try.
David: Okay, I am on a much needed respite whilst in between jobs.
Moira: You are squandering your social capital. A taste-maker like you should be out there, tasting things!
David: Uh, I'm at the buffet, and there is nothing to taste!

Phoebe: I brought you some housewarming gifts. Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom. Because, well, you know.

J.D.: My dad flaked on me again.
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry. Um, you're not on drugs, are you?
J.D.: What? No.
Dr. Cox: Are you in jail? Have you been beaten? Are you malnourished?
J.D.: I skipped lunch, but I've been snacking all day.
Dr. Cox: You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps crying about how horrible his father was.
J.D.: Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so...
Dr. Cox: Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage. And from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if some guy ever does put a ring on your finger, and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster, I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, trust me when I tell you that I wouldn't care if today was the first time you ever even met your daddy. Because in reality, well, he could've done a much, much worse job, okay.