Dick: [smears peanut butter on face] Next time, bring me creamy.
Beaver Scout #1: Would you like the jelly?
Dick: What flavor is the jelly?
Beaver Scout #1: Grape.
Dick: The horror. The horror.

Tommy: Uh, Dick? What the hell are you doing?
Dick: I'm creating a new society. Our society. I call it Dicksylvania. And you just crossed the borders.
Beaver Scout #1: Yeah!
Dick: Go on, kids. Tie 'em down and poke 'em with the sticks.
Sally: You touch me with that, I make you look like a corn dog.
Dick: Okay, men, regroup.

Tommy: Seriously, Dick let's get going, huh?
Dick: Oh, no! No, you shunned me! No. These are my people now. We're staying in these woods forever.
Beaver Scout #1: Forever?
Dick: Forever.
Beaver Scout #2: Yeah, but it's only half an hour till hamburger time back at camp.
Dick: No, no. We're gonna kill a boar, remember? We can eat for a week!
Beaver Scout #3: We got school on Monday, ya moron!
Dick: Hey, I thought we agreed that school was for, you know, fools.
Beaver Scout #2: Fools? You're the one with peanut butter on his face.
Beaver Scout #3: Let's go.
Beaver Scout #1: It was fun till he took his pants off.
Dick: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! What about our- the plans for- the world we- the cool fort?
All: Blah, blah, blah!
Dick: Well, this is probably a long shot, but did you bring my bathrobe? And maybe some handi wipes?

Dick: Harry! Ugh! You got your trout in my peanut butter.
Harry: Your peanut butter got on my trout.
Both: [eat] Not bad.

Tommy: All right, let me get this straight. You disobeyed your own orders, invited Albright into what you knew would be a hostile environment, alienated everyone, and then you stomped off into the woods where you became a jungle overlord.
Dick: Well, it's a mistake every man makes sooner or later. I learned my lesson.
Harry: Yeah, right.
Dick: But you have to admit I did orchestrate a hugely successful weekend.
Sally: How do you figure that?
Dick: Well, through a series of apparently lame-brained orders and seemingly selfish strategies, I managed to lead this family to a new level of unity.
Sally: And that's the story you're going with?
Dick: Unless you've got something better.

Dick: Hi, Mary.
Mary: Here you go!
Sally: Oh, crap!
Mary: I'll go get the rest of my stuff.
Sally: She's coming?
Dick: Well, you're the one who took her backpack. Now we have to bring her.
Sally: But you told me I couldn't bring Don.
Dick: Well, I know what I said. But if Don were here, it would be a different story. You can't penalize Mary for Don's lack of initiative.