Mary: Bye, Dick! I'll see you at the office.
Dick: Mary, don't leave. I was bringing you breakfast in bed.
Mary: That's very sweet, but I think I'll just grab some coffee and a muffin.
Dick: Oh, that's okay. Believe it or not, I just threw all this together.
Mary: I never would've guessed.

Tommy: Man, those guys look like badasses.
Harry: You think?
Tommy: Yeah. Look at 'em, man. They are clearly bad asses.
Harry: Well, just one way to find out. Excuse me, are you and your friends here badasses?
Riff: [chuckles] We'll have 3 beers.
Harry: [laughs] Oh, man, they're badasses.

Don: I'd like to help you out, guys, but... Sally.
Dick: Don.
Don: Dick?!
Dick: I'm glad you're here, Don. I had to talk to you. It's about Sally.
Don: That's fine, Dick, but could you back up about four inches?

Dick: I'd like to apologize for Sally the other day. She just feels terrible about the way she acted.
Don: Yeah, it was strange.
Dick: But Sally really wants to make it up to you, Don. That's why I'd like to invite you and Sally out to dinner with me and my girlfriend Albright. Would you come, Don? Would you?
Don: Sure.
Dick: Oh, good. I was worried you were upset with me. [Dick stands up] Hey, you wanna watch it?!
Riff: Excuse me.
Dick: Yeah, you better excuse you, bozo! My boyfriend here's a cop.
Don: Dick!
Dick: I said, my sister's boyfriend. I think everybody heard that.

Mrs. Dubcek: What are you so worried about? Those guys?
Tommy: Don't look at 'em!
Mrs. Dubcek: You can't judge people by the way they look. Those guys are just a bunch of pussycats. Watch me, boys.
Harry: Don't go over there.
Mrs. Dubcek: Hi, boys. Is this seat taken?
Riff: Ooh, it is now.
Mr: Oh. Now, which one of you big fellas is gonna buy me a beer?
Riff: I will. How about a beer for the pretty lady?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, you're what I like to call burly.

Harry: Guys, I think we owe you an apology.
Raff: For what?
Tommy: Well, all this time, we thought you were up to no good.
Harry: Criminal types.
Tommy: Looking for trouble.
Harry: Casing the joint. But now we see how wrong we were, so how can we make this up to you?
Raff: We need some more pretzels.
Harry: Okay.
Raff: And while you're at it, why don't you empty out the cash register?
Riff: Now.
Harry & Tommy: Yeah!
Harry: Did I not tell you?
Tommy: Oh, you didn't need to tell me, man. I knew!
Harry: Wait, wait, wait. Just a second. We saw this coming.
Tommy: Miles away, brother!

Dick: So, Albright- Mary, what're you gonna order?
Mary: Well, the steak tartare looks good. Think I'll order it well done. [laughs] [Sally laughs]
Dick: Oh, that's funny. You're funny. That's really desirable in a woman. Congratulations.
Don: Well, pardon me. I'll be in the little boys' room.
Dick: Oh, I'll go with you! This'll be fun!

Sally: Sally, we're in trouble. You've got to kiss Mary.
Dick: What?
Sally: She knows something's wrong. You've got to kiss her.
Dick: Not gonna happen, Dick. You can put me down for a hug and a handshake, that's it.
Sally: Hey, we're in this together. Now, I want your lips on her lips, and that's an order, Lieutenant!

Don: Have you ever thought that Dick might be a little... confused?
Mary: Let's talk about Sally for a minute. She is stalking me.

Sally: So, how's everybody doing? [Don and Mary are silent] Great. Uh, now you know, Mary, Dick was just saying how difficult it is for him to sit next to you without showering you with kisses.
Dick: No, I wasn't.
Sally: Yes, you were. You were saying how unbearable it is to sit next to her without kissing her this very moment.
Mary: Really? You said that?
Dick: Well, yes, after she told me that it's taking all her strength to keep her lips off Don.
Sally: All right I guess that's fair. [Dick and Sally kiss their respective partners]
Mary: That's more tongue than I'm used to.