Previous Episode Next Episode 
There's No Business Like Dick Business

‘There's No Business Like Dick Business’

Season 6, Episode 10 -  Aired January 16, 2001

Dick and Sally start a magic act together. Meanwhile, Mary joins Don's self defense class after she is mugged in the park with Harry.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Oh, that's him all right!
Nina: Maybe you should arrest him.
Harry: Who's the padded man here?
Don: You. You are.
Harry: All right! Well, hello! Enjoying your latte bought with ill-gotten gains?
Mugger: Huh?
Harry: Let me tell you something. This park is for nice, law-abiding citizens, not low-life scum like yourself. You're going down!
Mugger: Who the hell are you?
Harry: My name is Harry, and these are my angels. Now get him! Go get him! [bushes rustling, crash] Uh, I'm pretty sure that was him.


Quote from Dick

Sally: Dick! Look, a party. Let's check it out.
Dick: Sally, why would a grown man take the slightest interest in a child's b-- [gasp] They have balloons!

Quote from Don

Don: Mary, if you're interested, I teach a self-defense course down at the Y.
Mary: Thanks, Don. I just might take you up on that. Should I fill out a report?
Don: Ah, what's the point? I mean, oh, uh, sure, yeah.

Quote from Sally

Sally: But you know, Dick, every great magician needs a glamorous assistant.
Dick: You know, I've always thought you had a natural presence.
Sally: Really? Oh, my God. It's so funny you say that, 'cause if I hadn't gotten my degree in interstellar exploration, I definitely would have done something in the arts.
Dick: Would you like to join me in the mystical arts?
Sally: Mr. Siegfreid.
Dick: Roy.

Quote from Harry

Don: Harry, what are you doing here?
Harry: Oh, nothing, you know, I'm just thinking about maybe taking this class.
Don: Well, uh, this class is for women only.
Harry: Oh, come on, Don. I just don't want to be afraid anymore. I want the nightmares to go away.
Don: Well, I- I suppose you could observe. I need somebody to wear the padded suit.
Harry: I can't wear that!
Don: You'll be perfectly safe.
Harry: Oh, no, no, it's not that. It's just it'll make me look really heavy.

Quote from Dick

Mr. Spurndle: Next up, a couple of first-timers at Open Mike Night. Do you believe in magic? Let's ask The Amazing Solomonellas.

Quote from Judith

Judith: I'm gonna squash you like a bug, Harry Solomon! Die! Die! Die! If I'm not mistaken, I think I just released my inner animal. Thank you, Harry.
Harry: Oh, well, it's my pleasure.

Quote from Dick

Dick: How's the house tonight?
Sally: Maybe you should look through the curtain.
Dick: Garlic for lunch. How considerate.
Sally: Well, I suppose you skipped lunch so you could chew the scenery.
Dick: Showbiz lingo. Did you find that in your How to Perform On Stage book? Because maybe you should start with the chapter entitled "How to Perform On Stage."
Sally: That's sweet. Maybe you should start with the chapter entitled "Don't Do Card Tricks If They're Gonna Reflect Off Your Big, Sweaty Forehead."

Quote from Dick

Dick: I just don't get it, Sally. How could performing for a room full of total strangers do that to us?
Sally: The lights, the applause, the roar of the crowd. It's like a drug.
Dick: Yeah, a drug that we couldn't kick. It turned us into self-absorbed, ego-driven monsters.
Sally: You know, I actually think we should just leave the performing to the professionals.
Dick: Yeah. It never happens to them.

 First Page