Mary: Well, why are you going to the dentist?
Nina: I'm having my wisdom teeth removed.
Dick: Wouldn't it make more sense to have extra ones installed?
Nina: Don't mess with me. Not today.

Dentist: All righty, Nina. We'll see you in a few days, and I'll take out the other 2 wisdom teeth
Harry: Nina, are you okay?
Nina: [muffled, dopey] Harry. Oh, you waited all this time. That's so sweet.
Harry: Oh, my God. You've been drugged. [to the dentist] Is that how you get your jollies, you sick bastard?
Nina: Harry, no. I don't feel so good. Can we go home now?
Harry: Sure. Come on, Nina. I'll make sure that nobody ever hurts you again
Dentist: I need to see her Friday.
Harry: Until Friday.

Mary: Okay, now just follow along and see if I have it.
Judith: Can do.
Mary: [tony British accent] Hello. I'm Dr. Mary Albright. I'm proud to be a member-
Judith: Okay. What's with the accent?
Mary: [normal voice] What accent? This is my formal speaking voice. Always has been.
Judith: Never mind.

Pitman: Okay. And... action.
Mary: [tony British accent] Hello. I'm Dr. Mary Albright, and I'm proud to be a member-
Pitman: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's with the accent?
Mary: [normal voice] Why does everybody keep asking me that?
Judith: The Lady Albright hath no accent.

Pitman: Okay. Places, people, and... action.
Mary: [tony British accent] Hello, I'm Dr. Mary Albright, and I'm proud to be a member of the Pendelton faculty.
Dick: Well said, Mary. I'm proud, too. I'm Dr. Dick Solomon, professor of physics here at Pendelton.
Mary: We're here to talk about our fine university.
Dick: And a fine university it is, Mary. It's fine. It's not great, but it's not the worst.
Mary: At Pendelton, our students come first.
Dick: Our priority is to get you out of your parents' home and into a classroom-like environment. 'A's are easy to come by here at Pendelton, as is delicious thin-crust pizza.
Mary: Our lab facilities are state-of-the-art.
Dick: Or at least they used to be, Mary. [both lightly chuckle] But let's be realistic. If you got into a quality school, you would only feel stupid there. But you can be a genius here at Pendelton - the Harvard of mediocrity. Not affiliated with Harvard University.

Nina: Wait. What's this?
Harry: Oh. You weren't supposed to find that till tomorrow morning.
Nina: You left me 20 bucks?
Harry: Well, yeah. That's the going rate, isn't it?
Nina: Going rate?!
Harry: Well, yeah. Five bucks a pop, that seems pretty reasonable to me.
Nina: You need to get your bony butt out of my bedroom.
Harry: Well, I thought we were gonna have sex.

Dick: Now, Harry, here are the keys. And remember, have them fill up the tank, check the wiper fluid, and hang a new pine tree air freshener.
Harry: What about the three flat tires?
Dick: If you have time.
Harry: Okay.

Dick: Tommy? Tommy, I need you to run my lines with me. Here, you be Mary.
Tommy: "You will be inspired by our scenic campus."
Dick: Yes, they will, Mary. It's 22 acres of paradise.
Tommy: Wait. You're actually gonna say that?
Dick: Well, of course. Why not?
Tommy: 'Cause it's a lie. It's a 22-acre reclaimed uranium mine.
Dick: Well, it's a little radioactive, but isn't every college?

Nina: Oh, you're one to talk. Dr. Solomon is just as bizarre as Harry, and he's completely self-centered.
Mary: Oh, don't be absurd.
Dick: [enters] Behold the glory that is me.
Mary: [to Nina] Oh, go file something.

Mary: Yes. They said that they were looking for professors who were charming and articulate and embodied academic excellence.
Dick: Well, that certainly does describe... you.
Mary: Don't feel bad.
Dick: No, no, I don't. I'm far too busy in my role as educator to sully myself with some pointless exercise in narcissism. Um, just out of curiosity, who's the director?
Mary: One of your students, actually. Aubry Pitman.
Dick: Pitman! Oh, he's my favorite student. Such a wonderful young man. He's the one with the bandanna?
Mary: Yeah, right.