Sally: I have listened to what you've had to say. I have processed it. I'm not gonna change my mind. I'm gonna kill Albright.
Dick: But you can't!
Sally: Don't worry. I'll use the second most pain-free manner I can think of.

Mary: [on the phone] Nina, please, I need to talk to you in person. I think there might be something wrong with Dick. I- I think I might be in danger. No, I have not been watching old movies. Yes, I have been drinking. [knock on door] Oh, my God! There's somebody at the door! Please stay on the line.

Sally: Oh, my God. Look at this place.
Harry: Yeah, there must have been a robbery here.
Sally: Oh, no. I'm gonna go with murder.
Harry: No way. Robbery.
Sally: Murder.
Harry: Robbery.
Sally: Murder!
Harry: Robbery!
Sally: You know what? Let's not argue about it. Hopefully, we're both right, okay?

Sally: Pot Pies, Belly Stuffers, Breakfast in Seconds... Ah, here we are. Pizza. Don? What are you doing in there?
Don: [stuttering] I'm i-inspecting. Yeah. Uh, yep, these frozens are up to code. Good work, people!

Harry: Now, one last thing. Tomorrow night, you wanna go out on a date?
Sam: How 'bout 9?
Harry: Slow down there. Let's try one. See how it goes.

Sally: So, if you knew you were gonna be on freezer duty, why didn't you dress for it?
Don: Cold doesn't bother me.
Sally: Then why are you shaking?
Don: Why am I shaking? [sobbing] I'm shaking because there was a robbery. There's no such thing as freezer duty.
Sally: What?
Don: I- I was hidin' from the bad guy. I'm a coward.
Sally: No.
Don: That's why I joined the force. All those cops around, I thought I'd feel safe. [closes freezer door]

Harry: Hey, Sam.
Sam: No, no, no, no, no. Sam works at the supermarket, but this place tries to be a little fancy, so "Samantha" works here.
Harry: Well, wait a second. So there's you, and then there's Sam.
Sam: Exactly.
Harry: Oh. Well, it's a good thing you're both workin'.
Sam: So 9:00 is good?
Harry: For what?
Sam: We're goin' out.
Harry: Wow, Samantha, you a take-charge kind of girl, huh? Well, okay, but... Oh, 9's no good. I got plans. How 'bout 7?
Sam: Um... okay. I'll be there at 7. Okay. [to a couple] Hi. Table for two? Right this way.
Harry: [to a table] Hot damn, I'm datin' twins.

Sally: Don? What's with the police tape surrounding your house?
Don: I'm not in the mood for company. I'm a coward.
Sally: All right. Now, you listen to me, Donald Leslie Orville. Ever since I have know you, you have gone out there every day and done your job, even though you're scared to death. There's only one word for that kind of coward. Brave!
Don: I never thought of that.
Sally: Well, think again. And you know what? Now that you've been honest with yourself, you have the power to be the man you've always wanted to be. The man you deserve to be. The man I fell in love with.
Don: I feel like I can go back out in the world and start again. I can always tape my soaps! Thank you, Sally.
Sally: My pleasure. [pins Don's badge to his bath robe] Now... that's my boy. [Don screams] What? Uh, did I poke you?
Don: No, it's just cold against my skin.

Harry: I'm screwed. Sam's here early, and her sister Samantha's due any minute. So you're gonna go outside, and distract Samantha when she gets here.
Mrs. Dubcek: How can I do that?
Harry: Well, shiny objects usually work for me.

Sam: What's goin' on?
Harry: Well, nothing. Let's go eat.
Sam: Isn't the ham in the bathroom?
Harry: Yeah, that's right. [knocking]
Sam: Who's that?
Harry: It's the ham. [knocking] It must be ready.
Sam: Harry, I know somebody's in there.
Harry: Look I got a confession to make. I made two dates tonight.
Sam: You did? Who'd you make the other date with?
Harry: Oh, I can't tell ya. It's too sick. [Mrs. Dubcek comes out of the bathroom]
Sam: I wish you two all the luck in the world.
Harry: Great. Now I lost Sam and Samantha. [looks in bathroom] They took the ham!