Sally: What's the matter, Dick? I thought you guys were, like, best friends.
Dick: No, he's become this clingy, needy, sobbing mess. I want to go back to what we used to have, when I was his suck-ass lackey living in perpetual fear.
Harry: Yeah, those were the days.

Dick: All right, that's it. I may be a whale of a friend, but that doesn't entitle you to stick to me like a pathetic barnacle. I don't care about the problems you're having with your wife, your existential crises, or your inexplicable desire to befriend me. Zap me to oblivion if you want, but so help me, I will never sing another jazz standard with you!
Big Giant Head: Dick, stop!
Dick: No, you stop! Why are you following me? Why are you so fascinated by me? Why do you have to get so close?
Big Giant Head: How dare you talk to me like that?
Dick: Why, because you're the Big Giant Head?
Big Giant Head: No! Because I am... your father.

Sally: Oh, thanks for letting me come with you, Janice.
Janice: Anytime, Sally.
Sally: It is so cool to finally have another woman around to do girl things with.
Dick: Why, where were you guys?
Sally: Chasin' hobos out of the freight yard.

Vicki Dubcek: Oh, it is so great to be back. You know, we would've brought the baby, but space travel is really hard when you're teething.

Sally: Vicki, how's space?
Vicki Dubcek: Well, when I first saw where I was living, let's just say, thank god in space no one can hear you scream.
Big Giant Head: She really classed things up. She redid the death chamber in orange shag carpet.
Vicki Dubcek: Please! I mean, it was so drab, I wanted to die.

Big Giant Head: Dick, where can we have a private conversation?
Dick: How about right here in front of everyone?
Big Giant Head: Join me in the kitchen.
Dick: Does anyone here do a good impression of me?
Harry: No, but I do an awesome Bette Midler.

Dick: So, uh... Uh, what brings you back to earth, sir? An extended honeymoon?
Big Giant Head: The honeymoon is over.
Dick: Then why are you here?
Big Giant Head: Start saving these box tops. I want this boomerang.
Dick: Yes, sir.

Big Giant Head: Sit down. How are you?
Dick: Wha- You're asking how I am? Sir, how do you think I should be?
Big Giant Head: I think you should be very proud of yourself. I'm proud of you. Have I ever told you that?
Dick: Uh, no. You have threatened to kill me, though.
Big Giant Head: Well, that was a mistake. I'm sorry. I'd like to make up for that. I'd like to get to know you better.
Dick: Get to know me, sir?
Big Giant Head: Yes. Everything about you. Things you wouldn't dream of telling that frosty little bimbo of yours. Dick, tonight you're taking me out for drinks.
Dick: Tonight? I--I would love to accompany you, sir, but I have a date with that frosty little bimbo.

Mary: Dick, we're gonna be late for--
Dick: [moaning]
Mary: Oh, my god, Dick, what's wrong with you?
Dick: I'm burning up, Mary. I can't hold anything down. I was throwing up all night. I don't think I can go out.
Mary: Oh, well, in that case, I'll stay home and take care of you.
Dick: No, Mary, go! Save yourself before you get whatever I-
Big Giant Head: [enters] Dick, let's hit the town.
Mary: Stone Phillips! What's he doing here?
Dick: He- He's here to take me to the hospital.
Big Giant Head: The Hospital? What a great name for a jazz club.
Mary: Club? You're not really sick, are you? How can you be so insensitive?
Dick: Quick, Mary, the cat's on fire.

Sally: Did you hear what Alissa just said?
Harry: Oh, well, you mean about sayin' good-bye and movin' on and meetin' other people?
Sally: Harry, she's gonna dump his ass.
Harry: Oh, my God! And right before graduation?
Sally: Poor Tommy. The kid doesn't even see it comin'.
Harry: Oh, god, and there's nothin' we can do. We're powerless against Alissa. [tries to hug Sally]
Sally: No, we're not.
Harry: We're not?
Sally: Look, she's just an evil little teenager. And I am an intergalactic force for good. [exits]
Harry: Long live rock!