Dick: Dr. Albright, would you do me the honor of joining me for dinner tonight?
Mary: No.
[Dick whimpers and runs out of the room]
Nina: Why are you doing this? Can't you see how much pain you're causing?
Mary: Oh, he's nothing, if not resilient.
Nina: Not him, me. The two of you are driving me up the wall. You're obviously attracted to him. Take a chance on love, woman.

Tommy: See, I told you the Big Giant Head never reads those things.
Sally: You know, I really resent how we're supposed to jump every time the Big Giant Head sends a message.
Dick: I know, everyone knows he only got the job by kissing The Big Giant Butt.

Sally: Tommy, um, I need the parlor to entertain Mr. Randell. Mr. Kevin Randell.
Tommy: We're doing homework.
August: Yeah, Mesopotamia.
Mr. Randell: Oh, the fertile crescent.
Sally: Would you like to see it?

Mary: Thanks for bailing me out. You are so much fun.
Dick: Dr. Albright, your hand is on my knee.
Mary: Do you want me to move it?
Dick: Please. No, I meant move it around.

Harry: Come on, let's not squabble. We're family. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. Let's play a game, shall we? What'll it be?
Tommy: Bite me.
Harry: All right, who's it? Okay, fine. You know, you try to help... [voice quavers] but this is the thanks you get! Transmission incoming from the Big Giant Head.
Sally: What, again?
Harry: Thank you for your status report. I judge your mission to be a complete failure. Replacements arrive in 24 hours. Resume normal functions in three, two, one. [snorts] What did I miss?
Sally: They're aborting the mission.
Tommy: Replacements arrive tomorrow.
Sally: They're sending us home. [all groan]

Tommy: Ugh, I can't believe we're being called back. I don't want to go.
Sally: I know. I'm so upset. I don't know what to pack. Do you think I could take these open-toed metallic sandals?
Dick: Lieutenant, once we're out of here, we won't even have feet.
Sally: But they look like a pump and feel like a sneaker.

Dick: I've grown attached to certain things on this planet, too. You think I'm not going to miss the sunsets, the change of seasons, the way my students avert their eyes when I pass them in the halls?

Harry: Well, I'm going to go down and get my record collection for the trip back. You know, tunes for the road.
Sally: Great, 14 light-years of Glen Campbell.

Mary: I have something to say to you.
Dick: So do I. Something important, but I don't know how to start.
Mary: Let me take a stab at it. You love me. Last night meant the world to you, but you have to push me away so you don't hurt me. Someday I'll see it was all for the best. Please believe you! Please believe you!
Dick: That's it exactly. Oh, Mary, you understand my every thought.
Mary: I understand. You've had the milk. Why buy the cow?
Dick: No, I want you. I want the cow.
Mary: For what, a one-night stand in the barn? I will not be treated this way. You hurt me.
Dick: How did I hurt you?
Mary: Do you know why we ended up at my place last night? Not because I was lonely. Not because I had too much sake. We ended up there because I care for you.
Dick: Oh, Mary. Why did you have to wait until now to tell me?
Mary: What's wrong with now?
Dick: I wish I had a machine that could freeze time. Unfortunately, I left it in my other jacket.

Dick: Hello? Hello? Hello? Where are you? You-- You're gorgeous!
Evil Dick: Thank you. This body should suit me nicely. the Big Giant Head is very unhappy, Commander. I've been sent here to replace you and complete the mission with ruthless efficiency. [Dick whimpers] And now I'm afraid it's time for me to assume command.
Dick: You think you can just waltz in here and take over? You have no idea! The people here are so complex. They have all these feelings and impulses, dreams and fears. And every time you've mastered one, another one catches you by surprise. Tonight I finally made a breakthrough. One of these people cares about me. You can't make me leave now!
Evil Dick: Oh, yes, I can.
Dick: What about Mary?
Evil Dick: I'll take care of her good.
Dick: No. I won't allow it! I love her! I'm not leaving her!
Evil Dick: How touching. You know, you've actually changed my mind. I think I will let you stay here, right here, forever. [cackles]
Dick: No. You're not-- Oh, my God! He's turned me into a mime!