Sally: Okay, here's the duct tape. How much do we need?
Tommy: Uh, 500 rolls silver reflective.
Sally: Okay, well, how about eight rolls of sort of grayish?
Tommy: That's fine.

Harry: What do you think Dick's doing now? You know, old Dick.
Tommy: Well, you don't think they reassigned him to the brown planet, do you?
All: Ooh.

Evil Dick: Nina, where's that comprehensive course syllabus?
Nina: You only asked me to do it 10 minutes ago. I'm not a machine.
Evil Dick: Oh, pity.
Nina: What are you doing? Trying to show off in front of her?
Evil Dick: I don't have to show off. I just have to show up.

Harry: Old Dick would have never ordered us out onto the roof.
Tommy: Yeah, well, except for that one time he ordered us out onto the roof.
Harry: Oh, well, that time, sure.
Evil Dick: A small fire has broken out in the living room.
Sally: There's a fire extinguisher next to the stove. [Evil Dick looks confused] The stove is in the kitchen.
Evil Dick: Obviously.

Evil Dick: [phone rings] What do you want? [phone rings] What do you want?! [phone rings] Stop it. [phone rings] Stop it!

Nina: Here's the syllabus that you wanted.
Evil Dick: Why, this is beautiful, Nina. So exquisitely beautiful.
Nina: Well, we got a new toner cartridge...
Dick: Don't be so modest. [kisses Nina] I'll see you later.
Nina: Um... All right.

Evil Dick: And who is this exquisite creature?
Harry: Uh, maybe you'd better go downstairs, Mrs. Dubcek.
Evil Dick: Mrs. Dubcek. I will see you later, Mrs. Dubcek. [kisses her]