Dick: Okay, here's the plan. Tommy, Harry, you stay here. Sally, watch my back while I make a run for the bathroom.
Sally: Well, then what?
Dick: I use the bathroom. I've been stuck in a box for two days.

Dick: Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary. [hugs Mary]
Mary: Oh, that's more like it.
Dick: I want you so bad. You've got to escape.
Mary: You want me to try and get away?
Dick: You must.
Mary: "Oh, let me go! Let me go!" How's that?
Dick: Get out!
Mary: What?
Dick: If you clear the hedge, you'll be fine.
Mary: What is wrong with you?
Dick: Nothing. Everything. Oh, Mary, you know I'll never leave you.
Tommy: [enters] Dick.
Dick: I've got to go now. Now, you remember Tommy. Tell her about the swim team.

Evil Dick: Well, well, well, if it isn't the former High Commander. It seems that I've underestimated your stupidity.
Dick: That was your first mistake. Here's your second. Look over there!
Evil Dick: Where? [Dick tackles Evil Dick]

Dick: Here. Tie him up good. Tie him down tight.
Harry: Okay, which one is it? Tie him up, or tie him down?
Sally: Both, Harry.

Evil Dick: Okay, so, apparently, I won't be impregnating the entire population of Ohio, but all fertile women of childbearing age who are not currently pregnant, and that's a lot. We're talking lots of women here who will soon find themselves now pregnant by me. It's as easy as one... [machine whirs] two... [machine whirs louder] three.
Dick: Yes! Yes, that will show him.
Evil Dick: Not that I care but, uh, show who?
Dick: Your father, that unfeeling purple tube who gave you life but wouldn't give you love.
Evil Dick: You know nothing of my father. So why don't you just shut up? 'Cause you don't know him.
Dick: You don't have to defend him. You can't change the past. You have to live in the now. This is the '90s, girlfriend.
Evil Dick: All I ever wanted was approval. Is it any wonder I wet my bed?
Dick: I'm with you. [Dick signals for Sally, Harry and Tommy to come untie him] Your father's got you all caught up in his emotional red tape, and you need to cut yourself free.
Harry: What would you say if I told you that your father was here tonight? Come on out!
Dick: What?
Harry: I'm just kidding. He's not really here.

Dick: I think you need to go home and face him. Let the cycle of pain end here.
Evil Dick: You're so right!
Dick: That's it. Let it out. [grabs the doomsday device] Let it all out.
Dennis Rodman: [enters] Hey, guys.
Dick: Dennis, what are you doing here?
Sally: Long story.
Dennis Rodman: I got a weird vibe from you guys yesterday. Is something wrong?
Sally: You know, we really could have used you about an hour ago. What happened?
Dennis Rodman: I got mobbed by all these people. I gotta find a better disguise.
Sally: Why don't you try women's clothing?
Dennis Rodman: Tried it. Doesn't work.

Dick: Dennis, could you do us a favor? Could you escort that guy back to the home world?
Dennis Rodman: Why not? I'm going that way anyway. I've got a present for the Big Giant Head.
Tommy: What is it?
Dennis Rodman: Big giant nose ring. Come on. Come on.
Evil Dick: Thank you, all. I feel that I've made a big breakthrough here.
Harry: Well, remember nobody's going to respect you until you learn to respect yourself. Bed wetter.
Dick: And, Dennis, could you dispose of this while you're at it?