Dick: Let's be honest, Nina. Mary is upset because I've been having sexual fantasies about you.
Nina: About me?
Mary: Oh, don't act so innocent, Nina!
Nina: What?!
Mary: Oh, please. Maybe if you started dressing like a grown-up instead of some teenybopper Pat Benatar wannabe-
Dick: Now, Mary, Mary-
Nina: You know something, Mary? Maybe if you changed your hairstyle once a decade, your pervert of a boyfriend wouldn't have to think about me.

Sally: Don, honey, those napkins are supposed to look like swans, not something that came out of an old man's pocket.

Dick: I don't understand. I never touched Nina. Why is Mary so upset?
Don: Well, maybe she thinks she doesn't excite you anymore.
Dick: But how do I let her know that she does?
Don: Oh, what are you askin' me for, Dick? I can't even make a swan out of a napkin.
Dick: You can't?
Don: No.
Dick: Oh, no, but it's easy. You just make a peacock, and then flatten out the tail.
Don: Gahhh!

Sally: Hi. You havin' a good time? Good. Sir, your lavender votive is supposed to stay on your plate till dinner's served. Makes the table look prettier. Okay? Thanks.

Dick: [pops up] Hello, Mary.
Mary: Hello, Dick. Dick!
Dick: Make love to me, Mary. Right here, right now.
Mary: Are you out of your mind?!
Dick: No, but I'm out of my pants. Touch my body.
Mary: Why are you doing this?
Dick: Because it's your fantasy that I seduce you in public, remember?
Mary: It's not supposed to be real!
Dick: Well, why not, if that's what you want?

Dick: You know, it's amazing how our fantasies allow us to explore forbidden territories. I wonder how many people are fantasizing about me right now.
Tommy: Including you... one.
Dick: And by the way, I bumped into Alissa. Yeah. She'd never heard about your volleyball team fantasy.
Tommy: Oh, crap.

Sally: Yeah, you guys want to talk about fantasy, I'll tell you, try to live your life as perfect as they tell you to in those books. That's a real fantasy.
Tommy: So no more fancy table settings?
Sally: I don't care if you eat with your feet.