Mary: Oh, Nina, I have got to tell you, that yoga is doing wonders for you.
Nina: Thank you.
Mary: You look so toned and fit and healthy. Doesn't she, Dick?
Dick: Uh... I don't know. What are you accusing me of?
Mary: Nothing.
Dick: That's because I never touched anybody. Right, Nina?
Nina: Uh... sure. I gotta go.
Mary: Oh, don't forget your mat.
[As Nina bends down to pick up her yoga mat, Dick drops the potted plant he was holding]
Dick: Oh. I'm sorry. I dropped your firm buttocks. Oh fern buttocks. Uh, fern... buttocks.

Sally: Excuse me. Uh, what's the deal with this perky lady and her lifestyle collection?
Saleswoman: Oh, she's wonderful. Have you seen her new book?
Sally: Baking with Margaret.
Saleswoman: She shows you how to make kinds of cookies.
Sally: I've never made my own cookies before. Especially not ones shaped like different breeds of dog.
Saleswoman: Oh, and this one has some terrific decorating ideas. Take a look.
Sally: Oh, my God. She makes candles out of birdseed? A 20-layer wedding cake? Shampoo topiaries for the shower? Wow. Do women really do all this?
Saleswoman: I do.
Sally: I do, too.

Sally: Hey. Whatever you do, do not throw away that apple. This books says that I can dry it, fill it with cloves, and use it as a natural room deodorizer.
Harry: What has gotten into you? I mean, the minute you get home, you start puttin' these tiny little wreaths on every doorknob?
Sally: So "the room can bloom." You know, before I read these books, I thought I was doin' pretty good as a woman, but now I realize I was totally inadequate. I mean, this... this is what being a real woman is all about!
Tommy: Sally, you know, I think that's great. Really. By the way, remember when you said "room can bloom"? That almost made me throw up.
Sally: Fine. You're not getting any schnauzer cookies.

Dick: Oh, Harry, Tommy, you know, the oddest thing happened to me today. I was in class, wide awake, and suddenly I started having these really erotic thoughts about Nina.
Tommy: So what? You had a fantasy.
Dick: A fantasy? You've had them, too?
Tommy: Yeah. I have them all the time. At school, at the store. I once had one when I was picking out a bicycle helmet.
Dick: Well, what about you, Harry?
Harry: I'm havin' one right now.
Dick: I don't understand. I'm in love with Mary. I don't want to be with Nina.
Tommy: I know, and I'm in love with Alissa. I don't want to be with the entire girls' volleyball team.

Tommy: Well, Dick, maybe it's not us.
Dick: What are you saying?
Tommy: I'm saying maybe someone else is making us think these things.
Dick: Like who?
Harry: The women.
Dick: That's it! Of course, it's the women. With their feminine voices...
Tommy: And their soft skin...
Harry: And their angora sweaters and their hot little feet.
Dick: Oh, they're doing it again!

Sally: All right, everybody. Dinner's ready.
Harry: Oh.
Tommy: Oh, this looks great, Sally. [Sally chuckles loudly]
Harry: You folded breadsticks into the napkins!
Sally: Yes, well, unfolding a napkin is like unwrapping a little gift. It makes every meal feel like a celebration.

Mary: Oh, my god. Look at this table. Did you do this?
Sally: Yeah. All by myself.
Mary: What's the occasion?
Sally: Well, any time you sit down at a table, it's an occasion.

Mary: Okay. So... there I am, in a public place, and people all around, and all of a sudden, you arrive from out of nowhere.
Dick: Oh, goodness, I'm sneaky.
Mary: And you start to seduce me.
Dick: What? Am I naked?
Mary: No.
Dick: Can I be?
Mary: Sure! Anyway, I'm afraid we're gonna get caught, so I try to stop you.
Dick: Well, you're no tramp.
Mary: Mm-mm. But the more I resist the more passionate you become, and we just go at it in the middle of everybody.
Dick: [gasps] Oh, you are a tramp! [Mary laughs]

Dick: So there I am in the office, sitting at my desk before class...
Mary: Mm-hmm.
Dick: ...just grading my exams...
Mary: Oh, I know where this is going.
Dick: Uh-huh. So, there I am, just sitting there minding my own business.
Mary: Go on.
Dick: When in walks Nina.
Mary: Nina?
Dick: Yeah. You betcha! [Mary gets out of bed] And then all at once we start making crazy love like it's going out of style. I mean, is that hot or what?
Mary: Good-bye. [exits]
Dick: Hey, wait a second. I thought we were all turned on here.
Nina: [imaginary] Hello, Dr. Solomon.
Dick: [lays back] Oh, what the hell.

Dick: Mary? Did I do something to upset you last night?
Mary: Well, maybe it was your fantasy, Dick. Maybe you should just keep your big mouth shut.
Dick: But what's the big deal? You told me yours, and I told you mine.
Mary: Yeah, but mine didn't involve Nina.
Dick: I sort of wish it had.