Dick: How can you possibly say Harrison Ford is sexier than I am? I mean, just because he's got those incredible cheekbones and that perfectly chiseled jaw and those penetrating brown eyes that you... you could almost lose yourself in if you stare at them long enough... Whoa!
Mary: But I love you. See you, Dick.
Dick: [holds hand mirror in one hand and magazine in the other] Oh, my God! I'm hideous!

Dick: Nina, I just want you to know that after my surgery, I'm going to be devastatingly handsome. It's going to be very difficult for you to keep your hands off of me.
Nina: Oh, really?
Dick: But no matter how gorgeous I look, it'll still be me underneath, and, uh, I'm still not attracted to you.
Nina: And I just want you to know that if you never came out of anesthesia, that that would be okay with me.
Dick: Thank you. That is so sweet.

Sally: Unbelievable. Look at all these magazines. Everything revolves around the beautiful people. They have it all. I mean how are the rest of us supposed to compete?
Harry: Well, you got a big hunk of celery in your teeth, and that won't help.
Sally: Thanks. Look at this. Every beautiful woman is with a beautiful guy.
Harry: Yeah, we do tend to gravitate to our own kind.
Sally: Man, how did a gorgeous guy like Don end up with a double-bagger like me?
Harry: It's a brain-teaser.
Sally: It's wrong. It is wrong, Harry. I mean, this- This is the life Don should be living. He should be the dude with the hot babe on his shoulders. And he should be on the jet-ski with a menthol cigarette in his mouth but he's not. Because I'm draggin' him down. I'm draggin' my beautiful Donny down.
Harry: Mmm. You know, I didn't want to say anything, but you totally are.
Sally: Thanks, Harry. Now I know what to do.