Don: Let me lay out the cold, hard facts for you, Tommy. If you're involved in something criminal, there's a 1 in 5 chance you'll be caught. If you're prosecuted, there's a 2% chance you'll be convicted. So don't play with fire.
Tommy: Look, you played by the rules, Don, and what do you got to show for it? Nothin'. Nothin'. Well, that's not going to be me. You understand?
Don: But Tommy-
Tommy: Don't call me Tommy. From now on, I'm the nephew.
Don: Damn!

Harry: I'm also afraid of plastic garbage bags and Velcro.
Vicki Dubcek: Come here, baby.

Dick: Sometimes I feel like I don't even know how to behave like a real human being. Sometimes I wonder what am I doing here? Why am I on this planet? Am- Am I a good person? Am I a person at all?
Dennis Caslow: You know, doubting you're a person makes you even more of a person.
Dick: [whimpers] But I'm afraid.
Dennis Caslow: Of what?
Dick: That she'll never love me for what I really am! [crying]