Harry: Jackpot! Yeah! Check it out, Tommy. This is the loosest machine on the boat.
Tommy: Harry, it's a change machine.
Harry: That's right. It's changing me into a winner. Cocktails.
Tommy: Come on, Harry, let's go. People want to use the machine.
Harry: Oh, well, I'm sure that they do. Come on, baby. Money comes to money. Come on, mama. [machine dispenses change] Yeah!

Mary: I'd never been in trouble until he came along. But he has this way of talking, see, when you know he's crazy, but you just can't help but listen to him. And all of a sudden, you find yourself doing things you never thought you'd do. Bad things, stupid things. And where is he now? Free as a bird. While I'm in here taking the fall.
Lorraine: We know how you feel.
Ginger: Yeah. You need a new pimp.
Mary: Pimp? I'm not a hooker. I'm a professor.
Ginger: Hmm. Too bad. You could make a nice living.
Mary: Thank you.

Mary: The chancellor. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was avoiding me.
Dick: Why would he be avoiding you? You're the Dean. And you've done an exemplary job.
Mary: You think so?
Dick: Yes. You've done nothing offensive. You haven't caused a single ripple on the pond. No controversial proposals, no expensive cutting-edge teachers, no "innovative" ideas to shake up the status quo. You've been almost invisible.
Mary: Well, I did institute those slanted parking spaces in the faculty lot.
Dick: Yeah, and no one cared. Oh, come on, Mary, you've lasted six months in a job that none thought you could keep and even fewer thought you deserved.