Dick: Vincent, have you ever really thought about where your time goes?
Strudwick: I can't say that I have, Dick, but-
Dick: Well, I have. In the last year, I've spent four months sleeping, two and a half weeks sitting in traffic, two days flossing, thirty-four hours watching the Discovery Channel. And while I have seen every type of animal eat every other type of animal, it hardly makes for a stellar 1998.
Strudwick: I have to go stand over there now.

Dick: It's not too late. I may have squandered 362 days, but the year is not lost! I can make a difference! You, I beg you. Step forward. And you, sir. Please, do not be afraid. Come forward! Let all men, White and Black, Black and White, put aside their differences and join hands and walk together down the streets of Rutherford! Let there be peace and harmony in the valley. For I, Dick Solomon, have made a difference!
Harry: Dick?
Dick: What?
Harry: Jake and Henry are bowling partners. They're, like, best friends.
Dick: Oh, fine. If they're not willing to serve as examples for our children, then let it be on their heads. I tried. [whines] I am such a loser.

Tommy: So, Dick, you want me to reserve you a table for the New Year's bash?
Dick: Uh, no. Mary's having a fondue party.
Sally: Hey, what's the big whoop about New Year's anyway?
Dick: I don't know. Mary says it's a good way to mark her year's accomplishments.
Sally: Ah. Well, I had a pretty great year. I lost my virginity and I completely mastered the art of manipulating Don. Oh, and I got some great sweaters.