Dick Quote #587

Quote from Dick in Fun with Dick and Janet: Part 2

Dick: She's lying.
Mary: What?
Dick: Mary, you can't listen to a thing she says because it's... it's... it's Opposite Wednesday!
Mary: Opposite Wednesday?
Dick: Yes! Everything she tells you, you're supposed to think the opposite. All the secretaries are doing it.
Mary: Is this true?
Nina: No.
Dick: See? [laughs] Love is war, peace is hate. If she says she's happy, she's actually sad. If she says I was with another woman last night, it's because I actually wasn't!


 ‘Fun with Dick and Janet: Part 2’ Quotes

Quote from Tommy

Tommy: Hey, Don, uh, I gotta tell you something.
Don: Can it wait, Tommy? I got a date with the FBI.
Tommy: Well, then, no. No, it can't. You see, uh, this is pretty funny. [chuckles] I actually think you're gonna laugh. It turns out that it was me who destroyed Old Man Sweeney's field all along.
Don: What? What the hell are you talking about?
Tommy: Well, it's no big deal. I was just trying to have a little fun, and so it went too far, you know?
Don: Oh? Is that so? Well, how do you explain the crop circle and the burn marks?
Tommy: Well, I... I was running laps with a flaming 2x4 dragging behind me. You see, I'm a teenager. I don't know any better. See ya.
Don: Not so fast, junior! There's one thing you can't explain. What's this?
Tommy: That? Well- Well, this is a- it's- it's a- it's a sling-a-rang. It's a toy. You know, you you throw it... [clunk] And- And it just lands there on the floor, you know? I'm sure you've seen the commercials for it on TV. You know, the little jingle. [sings] Sling-a-rang Sling-a-rang Pick it up And fling that thang.

Quote from Don

Sally: What did they do to you?
Tommy: It was pretty scary. As a juvenile, I could've spent 200 hours cleaning up other people's trash on the highway.
Don: But I wanted to teach him a lesson, so I charged him as an adult.
Sally: What does that mean?
Tommy: I got a $40 fine.
Sally: Where'd you get $40?
Don: I paid it. Damn the system!
Sally: Thanks, Don. I owe you big.

 Dick Solomon Quotes

Quote from Fear and Loathing in Rutherford

Strudwick: You know, it's funny. I used to bring these creamers home to Alissa. She'd have little tea parties with her stuffed animals. They grow up quick, don't they?
Dick: Yeah. I can remember when Tommy didn't even know how to wipe his own butt. Then he figured it out all on his own. And taught me.

Quote from Brains and Eggs

Mary: For future reference, I have a red Volvo.
Dick: [gasps] Please, Dr. Albright! We barely know each other.