Tommy: Hey, Don, uh, I gotta tell you something.
Don: Can it wait, Tommy? I got a date with the FBI.
Tommy: Well, then, no. No, it can't. You see, uh, this is pretty funny. [chuckles] I actually think you're gonna laugh. It turns out that it was me who destroyed Old Man Sweeney's field all along.
Don: What? What the hell are you talking about?
Tommy: Well, it's no big deal. I was just trying to have a little fun, and so it went too far, you know?
Don: Oh? Is that so? Well, how do you explain the crop circle and the burn marks?
Tommy: Well, I... I was running laps with a flaming 2x4 dragging behind me. You see, I'm a teenager. I don't know any better. See ya.
Don: Not so fast, junior! There's one thing you can't explain. What's this?
Tommy: That? Well- Well, this is a- it's- it's a- it's a sling-a-rang. It's a toy. You know, you you throw it... [clunk] And- And it just lands there on the floor, you know? I'm sure you've seen the commercials for it on TV. You know, the little jingle. [sings] Sling-a-rang Sling-a-rang Pick it up And fling that thang.

Dick: So I guess there's no way you would ever marry me.
Mary: Dick, right now there's no way I'd even carpool with you.
Dick: Well... what if your car breaks down?
Mary: I'd rent.
Dick: What if there are no cars available?
Mary: I'd walk.
Dick: What? In the worst snowstorm in 50 years?
Mary: I'd take a bus.
Dick: You would never take a bus!
Mary: You're right. Then I'd carpool with you.
Dick: [closes door] Yes!

Sally: What did they do to you?
Tommy: It was pretty scary. As a juvenile, I could've spent 200 hours cleaning up other people's trash on the highway.
Don: But I wanted to teach him a lesson, so I charged him as an adult.
Sally: What does that mean?
Tommy: I got a $40 fine.
Sally: Where'd you get $40?
Don: I paid it. Damn the system!
Sally: Thanks, Don. I owe you big.