Tommy: You don't need guilt to get anyone to serve you. We proved that when we were selling candy. All you need to do is remind people they like sex.
Harry: Oh. Wouldn't it be scary if sex and guilt were connected? [all laugh]
Sally: Sex and guilt connected!
Dick: Harry, you're an idiot!
Harry: I know, I know!

Dick: Go on, doctor. Give it to me straight.
Doctor: The ankle looks great.
Dick: Are you sure?
Doctor: Yes, you're all better.
Dick: [sobs] Don't you think you should break it and set it again just to make sure it heals properly?
Doctor: No.
Dick: Doctor, you don't understand. The moment I sprained that foot, my life went from VCR to VCR plus! You've got to help me!
Doctor: Dick, the ankle is healed.
Dick: I won't be treated this way by your heartless HMO! I demand control of my treatment options! Because it's not the length of our time here that matters, it's the quality of our lives! And if you're not qualified to break my foot, then by God, I'll find a doctor who will!

Mary: Sally, what are you doing?
Sally: Eating your soup.
Mary: Well, you can't do that!
Sally: It's not that terrible. You put a bunch of oyster crackers in it, you can barely taste it.
Mary: Don't eat all of these! Dick is lying in there hurt.
Sally: Yeah, well, I'm fine and I'm hungry. Besides, I'm not the one who broke his foot.
Mary: Sprained. Have a little compassion, Sally. We're healthy. We have to help him.
Sally: I say he's lame. Shoot him.