TV Quotes

Don: I'm here on official police business. I was going over your accident report, and I noticed you didn't fill out your insurance info.
Dick: Oh, that's because I don't have any insurance.
Don: But, Dick, that's just plain crazy! You have to have insurance.
Dick: Why? It's just a bet against myself. The only way I can win my money back is by getting horribly injured.
Don: You know, Dick, you have a good point. I don't even know why I'm here. Oh, wait, I know why I'm here because it's the law!
Dick: No, it's not.
Don: Yes, it is.
Dick: No, it's not.
Don: Yes, it is.
Dick: Well, I subscribe to nature's law. The industrious beaver doesn't insure his dam, does he? No! He rolls the dice and if a flood should strike, he smiles his toothed grin, slaps his tail upon the water, and flies away!
Don: I'm just gonna put down State Farm.

Dick: So, what do you think?
Mary: About what?
Dick: My rental car. Isn't it great?
Nina: Not really.
Dick: Not really? Nina, just watch what this baby can do. [starts car]
Nina: What?
Dick: It started right up. And listen to this. It's called FM radio. There's jazz, or rock or my personal favorite, Latin salsa. [salsa music plays]
Mary: All cars have that.
Dick: Well, not the Rambler. If I'd known what an antiquated piece of crap that car was, I would've crashed it years ago. Oh, and, uh, speaking of crap... I just noticed a little something on my windshield. Gee, I wish there was some way I could get rid of that. Wait a second, what's this? Will you look at that? Blue juice at the touch of a button. Now, tell me that's not damn cool.

Harry: Well, I'm going with ya. Because I, too, have a wanderlust inspired by a different book.
Tommy: You do?
Harry: Indeed. And one day far from here, you and I will point our fingers at that bespectacled man with the sock hat and proudly say, "There's Waldo!"
Tommy: Harry, Waldo's a fictional character.
Harry: Ah, then it will be that much sweeter... when we find him.

Dick: Oh, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. Who am I?!
Harry: Well, let me see. Your first name's Dick. Your new last name is Head, so I guess that would make...
Dick: Oh, my God.