TV Quotes

Judith: Dr. Solomon, I'm Judith. I'm going to be sharing this office with you.
Dick: Judith.
Judith: This is my assistant. My brother, Roger.
Dick: Roger.
Roger: Please don't shake my hand. I've just washed it.
Judith: Two rules. When I do not wish to be disturbed, I will place my nameplate face down on my desk. And in the morning, whoever arrives first will flip on the ionizer.
Dick: You know, the woman who was previously in this office had no trouble with the level of ionization.
Judith: Believe me, you will like me. Most people do.

Tommy: What is it?
Dick: It's something to warm up my side of the office. Dr. Albright has her collection of tribal death masks, and now I have these. Look at this one. It says, "plan ahead," but the person who made it forgot to. [all laugh]
Harry: Take that, Mr. Advice Giver. Pow!
Tommy: "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps." [all laugh]
Dick: It sure does! I can't wait to show these to Dr. Albright and Nina. You know, over time, I've come to think of them less as my coworkers and more like a family. I'm the all-knowing father, Mary's the wife, and Nina is our adopted love child. Well, I better be going. The forecast for today is laughter. [all laugh]

Harry: Well, I'm going with ya. Because I, too, have a wanderlust inspired by a different book.
Tommy: You do?
Harry: Indeed. And one day far from here, you and I will point our fingers at that bespectacled man with the sock hat and proudly say, "There's Waldo!"
Tommy: Harry, Waldo's a fictional character.
Harry: Ah, then it will be that much sweeter... when we find him.

Dick: Oh, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. Who am I?!
Harry: Well, let me see. Your first name's Dick. Your new last name is Head, so I guess that would make...
Dick: Oh, my God.