TV Quotes

Harry: Hey, what about me?
Dick: Well, what about you?
Harry: Well, that's my point. I mean, you're the High Commander, and she's in charge of security. He's the information officer. What am I?
Dick: Well, you're... you're Harry.
Harry: Oh, sure, I got the fancy title, but what do I do? What am I good at?

Tommy: Yeah, all this romance talk makes me want to call my girlfriend. [picks up Harry's arm] Hey, Harry, can you give me a dial tone? [laughs]
Harry: Well, aren't we witty. Let me ask you this. Has the Big Giant Head ever called us?
Dick: Not yet.
Tommy: Well, how will we know when he does?
Dick: Well, when the Big Giant Head calls, Harry will suddenly go blank and stare off into space.
Tommy: Like I said, how will we know when he does?

Mary: What's going on? Dick is acting strangely.
Tommy: Listen, Dr. Albright. Dick, he's got a lot of baggage. It's an internal struggle.
[Dick and Evil Dick continue fighting in the living room]
Mary: Oh, that poor thing. I didn't know.
Tommy: No, you couldn't know, 'cause he's been afraid. See, he's been lonely for such a long time. And as the years went by, he fell into despair and lost all hope, for what woman could ever learn to love a beast?

Dick: Tommy, how are you coming along with our histories?
Tommy: Oh, I have them right here. Legal documents, school records, doctored pictures, the works. Dick Solomon, class nerd, held back by a domineering mother, went to work for NASA in '74, but was fired after a minor procurement scandal. Newspaper clippings are enclosed. Major burnout led to a string of second-rate teaching jobs... yada, yada, yada, ending up here.
Dick: Well, this is excellent.
Sally: What about me?
Tommy: Sally. Stockbroker during the greedy '80s. Made and lost several fortunes before psychological problems and gender confusion led to a sex change operation in 1988.
Harry: I'm next.
Tommy: Harry. Harry, you're adopted, but we haven't told you yet.
Harry: Oh, that's gonna hurt.