Don Quote #1
Quote from Don in Assault with a Deadly Dick
Harry: Well, Officer Don, we're here to report a crime.
Sally: I blame myself. I dropped my guard.
Don: It's not your fault. Crime happens. On the surface, Rutherford may look like small town America, but just beneath the well-manicured lawns lies a hotbed of criminal activity. We may be in the shadow of Cleveland, but it's in the shadows where evil lurks.
More 3rd Rock from the Sun Quotes
‘Assault with a Deadly Dick’ Quotes
Quote from Dick
Don: Okay, Mr. Solomon, it's time to finger your perp.
Dick: [points to Mary] Believe me, I've tried, but she just won't let me.
Quote from Mrs. Dubcek
Mrs. Dubcek: Hi, hi. I heard about your car radio. Did you call the cops?
Dick: Oh, I don't think that's necessary.
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, don't be silly. You go down to the station, you ask for Officer Franco, an Italian gentlemen, very nice. He came right over when my boyfriend got beat up in my living room.
Dick: Your boyfriend got beat up in your own house?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah. Well, my husband didn't care for him.
Don Orville Quotes
Quote from There's No Business Like Dick Business
Don: Mary, this a composite sketch of your assailant, based on all the eyewitness accounts.
Mary: Why is his head so big? Why is he holding a tennis racquet?
Don: Well, the department can't afford a full-time sketch artist, so we had the caricature guy from the birthday party do it.
Sally: He also did a great one of Don as a cowboy.
Don: Yeah.
Quote from Romeo & Juliet & Dick
Sally: Hey, guys. Oh, you still watching that stuff?
Dick: It's not "stuff," it's Hamlet.
Sally: Yeah, but why do they have to talk that way? I mean, I can't follow the story.
Don: Hamlet? The story is as old as time. Pretty-boy son has a rich daddy and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy, and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story, but there it is.
Tommy: Isn't that the plot to The Lion King?
Dick: Oh, please!