TV Quotes

Tommy: Oh, man. The High Commander and the Lieutenant are incapacitated. You know what that means? The Information Officer takes over, and that's me. I'm in charge of the mission.
Harry: Permission to speak, High Commander.
Tommy: Permission granted.
Harry: Well, we might as well just take this mission, roll it up and stick it... [voice quavers] Incoming message from the Big Giant Head. "Your request to return home for emergency maintenance has been authorized."
Tommy: Yes!
Harry: "The time-space portal will open tomorrow evening between 8:51 and 8:53 P.M. Earth time. On your journey home, we will be showing Tin Cup, starring Kevin Costner and Rene Russo."
Tommy: Well, that settles it. We're going.
Harry: "The Big Giant Head looks forward to reading your comprehensive report on the history of human civilization."
Tommy: Oh, no.

Harry: Well, let's have a toast, shall we? To [voice quavers] new... Incoming message from the Big Giant Head. Your request has been approved. Your Lieutenant and High Commander will be restored to their previous Earth bodies immediately, and a small fee will appear on your next statement. Transmission ending in 3, 2, 1... [Harry, Dick and Sally sneeze]
Sally: Dick?
Dick: Sally?
Both: We're back!
Dick: Isn't that great, Tommy?
Sally: Oh, isn't that cool, Tommy?
Tommy: [squints] Tommy? I'm not Tommy.
Dick: Oh, my god!
Tommy: Ah, I'm just screwin' with you.

Dick: So, what has this flagrant display of insensitivity taught you, Mary?
Mary: That you don't have a monopoly on idiotic behavior.
Dick: Exactly.
Mary: So, Dick, can you forgive and forget?
Dick: Oh, I forgive. But I don't forget. And I don't forgive.

Dick: Vicki, you remember my true love, Dr. Mary Albright?
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, yes.
Mary: Nice to see you again, Vicki.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, yes, ma'am, it's nice to see you, too. Doctor. [chuckles] You know, I have this little pain in my lower back-
Mary: Oh, Vicki, I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm a doctor of anthropology.
Vicki Dubcek: What is that? Is that, like, the rear?

Harry: Well, I'm going with ya. Because I, too, have a wanderlust inspired by a different book.
Tommy: You do?
Harry: Indeed. And one day far from here, you and I will point our fingers at that bespectacled man with the sock hat and proudly say, "There's Waldo!"
Tommy: Harry, Waldo's a fictional character.
Harry: Ah, then it will be that much sweeter... when we find him.

Dick: Oh, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. Who am I?!
Harry: Well, let me see. Your first name's Dick. Your new last name is Head, so I guess that would make...
Dick: Oh, my God.