TV Quotes

Tommy: Dick, Sally, I'd like you to meet Chloe.
Dick: Hi.
Chloe: Hello. I'm extremely beautiful, and I'm Tommy's new girlfriend.
Sally: Wait. Is that true, Tommy?
Tommy: Yes. And yes.
Sally: A woman like that is not supposed to be available to a high school kid. That's why we got him a subscription to Playboy.
Dick: And now we can cancel it. Ba-bam!

Sally: Dick, don't you find it just a little bit odd that a woman that gorgeous likes you?
Dick: You wouldn't think it was odd if I were Mick Jagger.
Sally: Yeah, but Mick Jagger's not a small-town college professor.
Dick: Exactly. And yet he still gets women. Next time, try thinking before you open your mouth.

Sally: Plus, we don't need him. I have a plan.
Don: You do?
Sally: Yeah, I'm gonna flood the hole with 3,000 gallons of water, and then Dick and Harry'll just float to the top.
Don: What if they don't float?
Sally: Well... then they're witches.

Sally: All right. What have we got, Tommy?
Tommy: The lady says she stepped out of the laundromat to get a coffee. When she returned, her slipcovers had been removed from the dryer and placed on the folding table. She also claims they were still wet.
Sally: Is this a fact, sir?
Mrs. Dubcek: He moved my stuff.
Sally: I am not talking to you.
Mrs. Dubcek: I'm saying, I went-
Sally: Zip it! Tommy... [clears throat] Why don't you tell our friend here the rules.
Tommy: The rules are: you are not to remove someone else's moist items from the dryer.
Sally: Now, was it moist?
Man: It was damp.
Sally: Don't pee on my shoes and tell me the washer's leaking.