Judith: We will now deliberate and return with a guilty verdict.

Judith: Dr. Solomon, do you have anything to say in your defense?
Dick: I have plenty to say.
Professor Suter: I should have brought a book.
Dick: I stand here accused of insensitivity. Oh, sure, I've tried to change my ways. I've cried. I've hugged. I've been hugged. And you know what I've discovered? I'm an offensive person. But in a tolerant society, is there no place for my kind? Why must everyone like me? Why can't we all just not get along? Conflict is necessary. Throughout history, human beings have persecuted the great agitators. Socrates, Galileo, and now Dick Solomon. Where would you be without us to provoke and enlighten you? To attach the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? Throughout history, all over the world, people have rightfully looked to Pendelton State for virtually nothing. But maybe one day they'll be able to say that an unpopular battle was won there for an ugly little thing called the truth.
Judith: Thank you.
Dick: And when they make a movie of this - and they will - I don't want to be played by Woody Harrelson.

Dick: Come on, come on. Anyone.
Caryn: Y to the fourth power?
Dick: No.
Bug: Eleven?
Dick: No.
Pitman: Velocity squared?
Dick: No.
Leon: That guy from Jeopardy?
Dick: No, no, no!
Caryn: Dr. Solomon, can't you just tell us the answer? We've been guessing for 45 minutes now.
Dick: You've been guessing?! All right, people, due to your staggering ineptitude with the most basic concepts of quantum superpositions, I am issuing the following assignment: you will write a five-page letter to your parents apologizing for wasting their money. I want them on my desk tomorrow morning for my approval and a blistering P.S. And bring a stamp, damn it. I'm not a post office.