Dick Quote #387
Quote from Dick in Dick Jokes
Dick: Um, I'd like to welcome you all here tonight. Before we go any further, I think that we should all acknowledge the sensational job that my esteemed colleague Dr. Mary Albright has done in organizing this truly worthwhile event. Dr. Albright. [applause] Don't you love Dr. Albright? I know I do. Now, I know many of you are wondering, what's with her long sleeves? Well, I'll tell you. It's to cover up her flabby arms. She shook them the other day, and the Dead Sea Scrolls fell out. [chuckles] She's, uh- She's quite old also, you see. But you know, as sweet and wonderful as Dr. Albright is, she can also be somewhat domineering, power-hungry and hostile, and I think I finally figured out why. Dr. Albright, while you may not have a man's genitalia, at least you have his razor stubble. Oh, oh, oh! Oh! And there's Nina. Nina is Dr. Albright's assistant. Nina, stand up, stand up. Come on, stand up. Show everybody how you put the "ass" in "assistant."
3rd Rock from the Sun Quotes
‘Dick Jokes’ Quotes
Quote from Harry
Tommy: What happened to your coat?
Harry: I don't know what happened to it, so Ms. Dubcek let me borrow this one. Sweet woman.
Tommy: So you lost your coat? Oh, tough break.
Harry: I lost more than a coat, Tommy! I lost a friend, a buddy, a companion who kept me warm when it was cold and warmer when it was really sort of too hot to be wearing a coat.
Quote from Sally
Dick: Imagine how different war would be if instead of trying to kill each other, people just showed up armed with jokes.
Sally: But you could still have guns, right? Because, you know, eventually you'd stop laughing and want to get on with the killing.
Quote from Sally
Dick: Lieutenant, I need your help. I need you to find out what's funny.
Sally: Oh, I can't. [knocks Harry down with a plank of wood] I've got to build this, I ran out of room for my shoes.
Dick: Well, this is more important. It's about me!
Sally: Well, how am I supposed to know what's funny? [knocks Harry down again]
Tommy: What's so important about a sense of humor anyway?
Dick: Oh, come on, Tommy. Having a sense of humor is having the power to transform someone's mood, to lift his spirit. You give it to someone you love when she really needs it. And I just found out today that Mary's been getting it from another man.
Tommy: Dick, I think this whole " being funny" thing is just innate.
Dick: What do you think, Lieutenant?
Sally: What do I think? [Harry ducks as Sally swings the plank] I think either you got it or you don't. [Sally knocks down Tommy]
Dick: Oh! Look what you just did! [Sally knocks down Harry and then Tommy again]
Sally: What's wrong with you guys?
Dick: Come on! Wake up, you two! [sprays them with water] Come on! How am I ever gonna find out what's funny?