Harry: [on the phone] Yes, operator, you have to listen very carefully. I'm at 417 Pensdale Road, and I'm surrounded by aliens. I need to talk to the president of the United States. Yeah, I know I need help. That's why I'm calling. Hello. Hello? Hello? They've gotten to the phone company too.

Dick: Thank you for making Rusty's a part of your day. Hello, Bug, Pitman. Welcome to Rusty's. How may I serve you?
Pitman: We're not hungry, Dr. Solomon.
Bug: We just wanted to come in and see if you were really flippin' patties in the hamburger freak-out ward.
Dick: You insolent little twerps! I should-
Bug: Well, what do we have here? A customer satisfaction card.
Pitman: Mmm! "Rate the performance of your server."
Both: "F."
Dick: Thank you for making Rusty's a part of your day. [they laugh]

Mary: Oh, Dick, why are you doing this to yourself? Can't you just come back?
Dick: No, Mary. I have my pride!
Mary: So you're working at Rusty's.
Dick: Yes, they have some wonderful opportunities for advancement here. Did you know that the fry man who used to work here is now a multimillionaire?
Mary: What happened?
Dick: He lost his arm in the patty press and got a great lawyer.

Dick: Ha! Oh, I see what it's come to. You're too good for a Rusty's man.
Mary: No Dick, it's not what you think it is. I'm not sure what it was. I only came by to tell you that I spoke with President Dewey, and he's willing to meet with you.
Dick: Never! I have my pride.
Mary: All right. All right, keep your pride. Suffer all you want. But what about your family?
Dick: There's nothing wrong with my family.
Mary: Your son is eating cat food!
Sally & Tommy: Cat food? [they and Dick spit their food out]

Dick: Maybe you're right. I'm beginning to wonder if I was rash, quitting my job over a parking space.
Sally: Stop wondering.
Dick: [gasps] I can't help thinking that it was my pride that clouded my judgment.
Mary: Stop thinking. It did.
Dick: Was it folly or sheer idiocy that led to my downfall?
Tommy: Folly.
Sally: Idiocy.
Tommy: No, I change my vote to "idiocy."

Sally: So, Dick, any problems getting your job back?
Dick: Are you kidding? He begged me. Well, he didn't "beg," beg, but it was clear enough.
Tommy: I take it you didn't get the space either.
Dick: Not the "space" space. But you know, I learned something very important.
Tommy: What?
Dick: That even if you're the High Commander and brilliant, there's still time for a little humility. Thankfully, that time is now over.

Sally: Ah, dinner! Let's eat, Harry.
Harry: Did you just say, "let's eat Harry"?
Sally: Yeah, we're hungry, so it's time to eat, Harry.
Harry: "Eat Harry." I see. Could I just have a moment, please?
Sally: Whatever.

Harry: Mmm, my favorite! Meat loaf deluxe-O.
Sally: Well, Harry, we haven't had that since Dick quit his job three weeks ago.
Harry: Dick quit his job?
Tommy: Yeah, why do you think he was working at Rusty's?
Harry: Dick was working at Rusty's?
Sally: Geez, Harry, don't you know anything?
Harry: No. All I know is, I got a transmitter in my head and Charlie's Angels is on weeknights at 7:00.
Dick: Oh, my god! It's 7:00 now!

Dick: Something smells divine.
Harry: It's me. I just know it's me.
Tommy: Ooh, look at those clouds.
Dick: Well, that one looks like me. So does that one. That one makes me look fat.
Sally: That one looks like a poodle. A dark, menacing poodle.
Tommy: Yeah, it's whizzing lightning.

Harry: Hey! That cloud looks like a giant funnel with mobile homes stuck in it. Oh, look! A flying cow! Whoa! Dick!
[After flying off the roof, Harry lands in a yard]
Harry: Where am I?
[A pot smashes on his head]
Harry: Who am I?