Harry: Hey, those are my croutons! Let him buy his own croutons.
Sally: Look! He's eating. He likes the croutons, Harry. They're nummy num, yeah!
Harry: Why are you talking like that to the baby?
Sally: I have my reasons.

Mary: Hello.
Dick: Surprise!
Nina: Surprise.
Dick: Mary, I miss you already.
Mary: Now, Dick, you don't have to throw me a surprise party every time I go to a conference.
Dick: You wouldn't be saying that if Nina had worn her hat.

Sally: What is the matter with you two? How many times do I have to go over this? When that baby is asleep, the phone is not to ring more than once.
Harry: Right. The one-ring rule.
Sally: That's right. Harry, did you throw applesauce all over the floor?
Harry: No, it was the baby.
Sally: He made a cute little design.

Dick: How could this happen? That baby has taken control of us. The one with the least intelligence is running the show.
Harry: This is getting old fast. There are three of us and only one of him.
Tommy: We're bigger than him and way smarter. We could take this baby. Who's with me?
Dick: Come on, men.

Dick: Mary? Mary, do you remember how I killed your fish?
Mary: No.
Dick: Well, I did, but I brought you something to make you feel better. Come on in!
Mary: Whose baby is that?
Dick: Mine. Well, not for keeps. It's really Sally's. I mean, she got it from Mrs. Dubcek. Let's just call it a rental.
Come on. Play with it.
Mary: Dick, you've got to take that child back to its mother.
Dick: Come on. Just hold him. I guarantee you'll like it.
Mary: I'm serious.
Dick: Just take him for a spin around the block, and then we'll talk.

Mrs. Dubcek: Thanks so much for watching my grandson. I have been to hell and back. I won't bore you.
Tommy: Ah, you're too late. Mrs:Well, where is my little fella?
Dick: Mrs. Dubcek, I'm so glad you're here. We're having a problem with our oven.
Mrs. Dubcek: What kind of problem?
Dick: How should I know? You're a landlady. You tell us. Harry, show Mrs. Dubcek to the oven. Stuff her in it if you have to.