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‘My Mother the Alien’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

3rd Rock from the Sun: My Mother the Alien

209. My Mother the Alien

Aired November 17, 1996

Sally discovers her maternal instinct when Mrs. Dubcek asks the Solomons to watch her grandson. Meanwhile, Dick takes care of Mary's fish while she's at a conference.

Quote from Mrs. Dubcek

Mrs. Dubcek: I'll just get my little boy, and I'll be on my way.
Dick: So soon, Mrs. Dubcek? We've been living in this attic for almost a year, and we know very little about you. Sit down. Tell us everything about yourself. Leave nothing out.
Mrs. Dubcek: Why?
Dick: Please, everything. Travel?
Tommy: Marriages.
Harry: Medical history.
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, there's a doctor in Mexico that once said I had the exact DNA of a lemur.

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Quote from Dick

Harry: Well, hello, strange baby.
Sally: Who's that?
Harry: I don't know. Some baby.
Sally: That's no baby. Babies are pink, and wrinkly, and wear blankets. Dick, you better come in here.
Dick: Who's this?
Harry: I don't know. Some baby.
Tommy: What does it want?
Dick: I'll find out. What do you want?!

Quote from Dick

Mrs. Dubcek: Hello. Has anybody seen my-- There's my little rug rat.
Dick: Mrs. Dubcek, you had a baby.
Mrs. Dubcek: He's my grandson. I'm babysitting him. My son and his wife are spending the week at Caesar's Palace.
Dick: Ah, Rome.
All: Mmm.

Quote from Sally

Mrs. Dubcek: Could I ask you folks to do me a favor? Could you watch the little guy while I run out to the doctor's?
Sally: No.
Dick: Yes, we'd be happy to.
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, great, great. He's had his nap, and he's just been changed.
Sally: What was he before?
Dick: Mrs. Dubcek, why do you assume that Sally will be taking care of the baby?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, she's a woman.
Sally: Yet another perk.

Quote from Harry

Mrs. Dubcek: I'll go get his stuff. Now, he may be a little cranky. He's got teeth coming in.
Harry: Well, don't worry. We'll sign for them.

Quote from Tommy

Tommy: [toddler cries] Turn it off!
Sally: I can't.
Tommy: Then turn it down.
Sally: What?! What do you want? Are you hungry? Tommy, entertain him till I get back.
Tommy: What? I don't know what- Whoa, whoa- Uh, all right, kid, I'll read you a story. Um "Dingo boy released from pound. Burt Reynolds up in arms." Look. It's a little dingo boy. See?

Quote from Dick

Dick: Nina's taking care of your fish?
Mary: Yes.
Dick: Mary, shouldn't I be doing that?
Mary: Uh... Uh... Nina already knows where I keep the food.
Dick: I see. She already knows. Uh-huh. It must make it a lot easier for you, then.
Nina: If you really want to do it...
Dick: Yes, I do! Mary, I want to take care of your fish desperately.
Mary: Really, Nina, thank you so much.
Nina: Just doing my job.
Dick: I have fish, you know.
Mary: Do you?
Dick: Mm-hmm. They're in my freezer.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Oh, Mary, this means so much to me.
Mary: Yeah. Okay, now, let's go over this one more time. The filter and the heater are automatic. Don't touch them.
Dick: Well, what if I need to touch them?
Mary: Why should you need to touch them?
Dick: Well, what if I want to touch them?
Mary: Just don't touch them. Okay. Now, here's something I like to do. If the fish have been good, I like to reward them with a little brine shrimp.
Dick: And if they're bad, I'll make them watch while I eat the brine shrimp.
Mary: Now, this might sound silly, but I'm very attached to these fish. Please don't kill them.
Dick: You love your fish, and I love you. That's why I'm going to love your fish.
Mary: Just feed them. Don't touch the filter!

Quote from Tommy

Tommy: Mrs. Dubcek.
Sally: Shh!
Tommy: [whispers] She won't be back until tomorrow.
Dick: What?!
Tommy: She said she was still woozy from the medication, that she got on the wrong bus and woke up in a petting zoo in Cleveland.
Dick: Oh, that old excuse.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Hello, fish. Look at you in there. What are you thinking? I know what you're thinking. Are you in the tank, or am I? Well, it's you, stupid fish. Here, I brought you some presents. A treasure chest filled with gold doubloons, a topless mermaid. Try not to stare. And, best of all, I brought you a new friend. I call her snowflake because she's soft and delicate. I thought you might like it if I read you a night-night story. It's called Tales of the Calypso: Secrets of the Ocean Deep. [French accent] "Slowly, so slowly, the day turned to night. The darkness taunts the light that dances in the depths below. Suddenly and without warning, danger strikes. Octopus, octopus, your children are dying." [whimpers]

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