Mrs. Dubcek: Sally. There's something I have to tell you about your boyfriend. He cooks, he loves the arts, he wears great shoes, and he's single.
Sally: Yeah. What's your point?
Mrs. Dubcek: Sally, marry this man.

Dick: Mrs. Dubcek, have you ever been to north Rutherford?
Mrs. Dubcek: North Rutherford, sure. I once had a fling with a pool boy up there. Lovely cabana, very nice.
Dick: What's so special about it?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, it's a very different class of people there.
Sally: Different class?
Dick: You mean, not homo sapiens?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh no, they have their "artsy" types too, but they're very discreet.

Mrs. Dubcek: Ah, don't listen to him, boys. I love rock and roll. I used to be a groupie for the Kingston Trio.
Harry: Okay, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to go.
Mrs. Dubcek: I had an all-access pass. As a matter of fact, so did they.

Mrs. Dubcek: [inner monologue] [sings to the Jeopardy! theme] Thinking, thinking Thinking hard What's the use? I've burned too many brain cells Maybe I'll just fantasize Look at Alex and close my eyes

Don: You were born in 1968?
Mrs. Dubcek: I don't want the boys to be intimidated by my experience.
Don: Whatever. You're in.

Mrs. Dubcek: Could you guys keep an eye out for the U.P.S. guy? I'm expecting a package.
Dick: Why? Where are you going?
Mrs. Dubcek: My gynecologist.
Dick: Your who-li-gyne-what?
Mrs. Dubcek: My gynecologist. He's a wonderful doctor.
Dick: Good. I could use a new doctor.
Mrs. Dubcek: He's a women's doctor.
Sally: For women only?
Dick: Well, doesn't he realize he could double his business if he'd open his practice to everyone?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, please. I'm not into all that P.C. baloney. I think women should have their own doctors, and men shouldn't wait tables at Hooters.

Sally: Well, Dubie's my expert. This little lady told me she lost her virginity fourteen times, huh?
Tommy: Wait. Is that possible?
Mrs. Dubcek: No, but a girl's got to be mindful of her reputation.

Sally: Okay. You guys ready?
Mary: He's not going to like this.
Tommy: We've got to confront him. It's for his own good.
Mrs. Dubcek: Now you swear this intervention is not for me? Because I have fallen for that twice.

Vicki Dubcek: Boy, your brother's got some control issues.
Sally: He's a freak! He won't even let me get my own place.
Mrs. Dubcek: You know, there's a room over the garage I used to rent out.
Sally: What?
Vicki Dubcek: Mama, that place is condemned.
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, no. It's just asbestos and bad wiring. Nothing a little paint won't fix.

Sally: Bar? Why do we need a bar?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, it's a party, you know. You gotta serve drinks, liquor, whatnot.
Sally: Okay. Booze. How much do we get?
Mrs. Dubcek: I always figure three quarters of an ounce of liquor per 10 pounds of guest. Now, for a 200-pound man, you're gonna need about a half a quart of vodka.
Sally: Great. Now I gotta call everybody to ask them how much they weigh.
Mrs. Dubcek: Put me down at 300 pounds. What? I'm big-boned.