TV Quotes

Dick: Oh, all right, fine. So what if I have put on a little weight? Big deal. I can lose it. I'm the High Commander of this body. I'll just order it to stop eating.
Sally: No, no, Dick. It's an Earth body, okay? It won't listen to you. First thing we need is a strategy. Look what I was reading earlier today.
Dick: "Farmer Loses Leg in Wood Chipper"?
Harry: Well, that's gotta be 10 pounds right there.
Sally: No. Not that. This.
Dick: "Suzanne Somers Reveals Her Secret Summer Slimming Tips." I want to know!

Nina: So, um, how's your diet going, Dr. Solomon?
Dick: Oh, it's not just a diet, Nina. It's a complete lifestyle change. Sally just signed me up for a step class. I'm drinking 8 16-ounce glasses of water a day, and I can eat all the grapefruit I like.

Dick: You wouldn't believe how delicious this grapefruit is.
Mary: Mmm.
Dick: Would either of you like a taste?
Mary: No, thanks.
Nina: That's all right.
Dick: Can I taste yours?
Mary: You know, Dick, if you're too weak to be in the same room with pizza , Nina and I can go in her office.
Dick: Oh, no, no, no. That- That's not necessary. I'll give you a whole grapefruit for just one pepperoni!
Mary: Let's go.
Dick: No! Uh... uh... How about two? Two delicious grapefruits! And my watch!

Harry: Well, Tommy, I've got the evidence right here. Whup! But I have to warn you, kid. You might not like what you see.
Tommy: [gasps] Harry, all these pictures are overexposed!
Harry: Well, I told you you wouldn't like it.

Tommy: Well, what was she doing?
Harry: "3:35. Spot August talking to friends." "3:42. August gets on bicycle. Pursue on foot." "3:46. Trip over garbage can." "3:46. Follow August to the library, where she studies alone until it closes at 3:46." "I then follow her home, where she arrives at exactly 3:46."
Tommy: Harry, what time is it?
Harry: [checks watch] 3:46. Where does the day go?

Tommy: What are you doing?
Dick: I'm becoming thin again.
Tommy: I thought you were gonna exercise.
Dick: Sally!
Sally: What?!
Dick: Help Harry!
Sally: What is that?
Dick: It's called "The Shatner". Now, now, go on, pull.

Sally: Put down the ribs and step away from the platter.
Dick: No.
Sally: Okay, then. But make no mistake. If you take one bite out of that, you're gonna hate yourself more than you already do. Are you prepared to face those consequences, soldier?! You're pathetic.
Dick: Oh, I know! You know, Nina was right. I do have a gaping hole inside of me, but it's not my fault! It's this body! It has a stupid design flaw. It thinks it can fill an emotional void with food!

Don: Whatcha eatin' there, Dick?
Dick: Ribs.
Harry: Fat-free ribs?
Dick: Oh, shut up! My diet is dead.
Don: Oh. Diet, huh? Must be rough. Lucky for me, I was blessed with a high metabolism.

Sally: Oh, quit being a baby. This is exactly what you need, Dick, some discipline. Okay, let's- Let's, uh, start with the bread group. Okay. You can have half a reduced-calorie bagel, or you can exchange it for six saltines and a tortilla. Ah. Tonight you will be having the lo-cal symphony salad.
Dick: All right. Here, give me your tomato.
Sally: What, my- my tomato? Um... Uh, maybe we're rushing things here, Dick. I mean, look, we're racing through a whole world of cottage cheese options.
Dick: No. I've made my decision. Now give me your tomato.
Sally: No, don't make me do this, Dick!
Dick: I'll take that one.
Sally: Jeremy?!
Dick: Yes, and those 2 little cowards hiding behind him.
Sally: [screams]

Dick: Mary?
Mary: Dick!
Dick: Why didn't you tell me you'd been coming here?
Mary: It's none of your business.
Dick: But it's your business to stand by and watch me suffer alone while you secretly find help in the pillowy bosom of this support group!